+5.4 happened REALLY quickly... 179.4

Up five pounds in a week! I'd like to say it's not "real" weight... because, you know, I was sick, I had pizza *and* chili yesterday, etc... but the truth is, today my relationship with gravity is 5.4 pounds more than it was last week. So be it.

The good news is, I'm sort of on track again, working out like I do, drinking water, eating healthy food. I did have some extra sugar yesterday, and some extra wine... baby steps, though. I think I'm planning for a sugar-free January. Uruguay is in a MONTH and I want to be ready!

One of the trainers from Base reached out for a 3-session special, I am going to sign up. This will turn into more sessions, but I think I will just use the sessions to get myself to goal - where I am happy with how I look, how I feel, how clothes fit, etc. I am almost there, I really am.

If I were to quantify my goal, it would be that I want to carry less weight around during runs, races, skiing, etc. I think 155 is a good amount, given my height. I want to fit into normal size 10s or smaller, so I can shop in the trendy sections and fit into the clothes there and not worry about it. I want less fat around my midsection - I know you can't spot reduce, but that's where most of my extra fat is stored, so reducing overall fat will reduce that area, too. Truly, I'm ok with the way I look, just want to reduce fat... so yes, one of the things I will do with the new trainer is measure my body fat.

In 2017 I plan to do an Olympic triathlon, the MS150 ride, the Gourmet Classic ride and a sprint tri here and there. I need to find one in July and another in September. Austin half would be a fun 40th birthday thing, too...

One other thing - I am so grateful for this difficult year. Despite the challenges, I had a lot of fun, my bills are all paid, I get to travel, see my family, contribute at work, be a good friend, a good wife, a good dober-mom... I am very blessed. Not every day was perfect, I didn't handle everything as well as I wanted to, but I did learn a lot and I definitely improved personally and professionally over the course of the year. For that, I am truly grateful.

Alright, work is calling. Happy last Friday of 2016, friends.

Christmas is coming! - 174.0

My mindset is changing. I have managed to lose a pound this month. I have been working, but I have also been eating Christmas cookies and pizzelles, drinking a lot of champagne, etc. So I'm pretty darn happy with my one-pound-in-one-month loss here for December. Turtle club!

The last couple weeks were particularly stressful. I had a health scare, a project deadline, Doggy Love swallowed another sock, got another surprising negative annual review, house construction issues, trying to meet up with friends and get ready to go to PHL... it's been a lot. Luckily, all has been resolved for the most part.

Health is good, in fact, my doc said my weight was perfect and I don't need to do anything about it!

My work - annual review was, well, surprising, but I talked with my boss's boss, it wasn't a great conversation but we're going to do this through Employee Relations, so I'll have a third party present. GOOD. The guy gives me no indication I'm under-performing, the last feedback I got from him was a REWARD for doing so well with our group process, then slams me with "Does Not Meet Expectations" on my review. His boss set up the first meeting with Employee Relations. I hate that it has to be this way, but I see no other option. Work deadline was met, despite doggy and the sock. By the way - hydrogen peroxide can expire! We gave Doggy the max amount of peroxide and no throw up. :( Eventually at 3AM he threw it up. Ick. I felt bad for DH, as it was HIS sock, and then I was dramatic about it and made him feel worse... which made me just sick to my stomach as well. Great night at our house. But, it worked out, thank GOD!

And then the house is under construction and everyone has invited us to parties and we're leaving for Philadelphia - we are so, SO lucky to be so loved. But I'm exhausted. Looking forward to doing a lot of nothing and catching up on my sleep!! So with all of this, like I said, I'm happy to be maintaining and slightly losing. A lady at work just told me I look like a million bucks these days, I guess the weights are paying off.

So, with that, I'm off to finish up work stuff so I can get ready for Christmas in PHL. Merry Christmas, everyone, it really is the MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!

grief - 175.0

I'm angry I can't have a slice of pie every night and not lose weight. I know this should be no surprise, but I figured if I track it, I can plan for it and have it, right?

Well the scale says.... WRONG! :(

Of course, I also had extra Thanksgiving leftovers every day this week, and while I tracked all those, did I *really* know how much I was having, or how many calories they really contained? Probably not. Which leads me to my grief... of which, I'm in the anger stage. I was bargaining last week, now I'm angry. Why can't I have that stuff? Why can't I partake in leftovers, is this how the rest of my life is going to look? I have to just give it up for good and get used to the idea that after Thanksgiving Day, no more yummy foods - toss them or don't take home leftovers? WaaaAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

This too shall pass, I know. But for today, after my 0.2lb gain on this post-Thanksgiving week, I am mad. And pouty. I know I will get to acceptance, but not today.

On the other hand, it's a new week with a new chance to lose another pound. Less sugar. Fewer meals I can't be sure of the calorie content. Planning. Tracking. Continued workouts. I have been doing GREAT with my workouts! BFL weights 3x per week and a sweaty workout at least 2x per week. Go, me!

Today is my dad's birthday. He would be 84. He's been gone almost 10 years. The one thing I know about grief is that it really does get easier with time (though I'm not sure it ever 'turns' to joy, you just are just able to once again enjoy experiencing other joys). I guess 10 Decembers from now, I won't be terribly lamenting the absence of my post-Thanksgiving week leftovers. But right now, I'm having a hard time accepting that this is my new reality. Le sigh.

Happy December, friends. Here's to experiencing the grief of letting go of our favorite holiday foods. (Gosh that sounds bad!)

Love.Liz

Pre-Thanksgiving update

So the scale was not moving for the past few weeks. I am still right where I was when I got back from Europe this summer! I decided to lower my calories on MFP and change up what I was eating and doing for workouts. As of today, the scale looks like it is moving. We shall see on Friday... YES, Friday - the DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING. Maybe for the first time ever I am planning to go to the meeting, even though it's allthewayupnorthnearmyoffice - I want to go. So I will.

I also got some external motivation to keep on keepin' on. DH and I are going to Uruguay in Feb, which means I will be on a South American beach in the middle of their summer. This was JUST the little kick start I needed! I'm back on BFL for training, planning foods are no problem, I am just doing the work.

So that is the update. These have been a hard couple weeks, post-election. I hope people will truly start coming together. Maybe focusing on my own efforts is what helped to pull me through. I can't change the world but I CAN focus on changing ME and making my world better. Now that the holidays are here, I really hope people will just come together and do what they need to do to make the world a better place.

Love.Liz

elections and weight loss

I thought it was hilarious that our local news anchors had been wearing purple on election night, as that represented the mix of voters in Colorado - we're 50-50, but Denver is blue and the most populated, therefore our state swings blue (lately - the state was traditionally red for a long time). In any case, that night the anchors cracked me up with their representation of our population's political views.

I was pretty sure I'd wake up on Tuesday to Hillary Clinton being the president-elect. I was so shocked that the winner - by a landslide (electorally) was DONALD TRUMP! I can't say I was much less worried about the future of the country with him at the head, so I figured Wednesday morning would be rough (for me) either way.

What I was not prepared for was the HATRED I saw - from many dear friends, and on both sides of the fence. The hate. The anger. The gloating. The racist acts and remarks that are happening. The despair that women are still second-class citizens, and minorities are not citizens at all. The vilifying entire swaths of our population based on the way they executed their right to choose in a voting booth. I am hoping the country is just under an election hangover. Truly, and that we can go back to being our nice, different thinking selves after this week. But I was so, so worried all this week that we were such a mean society, and a heartless country without empathy. In some ways, this is true... and yet.

DH and I were folding laundry as I was lamenting our societal woes, and he said "WE are not mean!" He's right. We're not. But then I said "Well, I got really mad at that girl on the trail and yelled in her face (not on purpose, but that is how it happened because I was on a bike) and I feel really badly about that - I AM mean!" And he says... "Well, we're not perfect, either."  I love that man.

This is important. I can take a bad thing I do and FIXATE on it for days. DAYS! This happened four days ago and I was still beating myself up for it. An old trainer of mine told me that I was really hard on myself and that it seemed I liked to find reasons to mentally whip myself. The Texas Night Massacre happened this summer. I'm still not in a place where I can just LOVE ME. But I'm working on it, and I WILL GET THERE.

But enough heavy stuff, how about some fun? So this is my first full week with MyFitnessPal tracking and I lost... 0.6 pounds. I will take it. I did have one night where I went over. The good news is, I took off my grey work dress pants without undoing the buttons or zipper - look at me changing my own life over here!!!

And I'm also going to share what I posted on WWConnect this week... it's kind of the summarized version of all this above. Things are happening, for better or for worse. The only person who can change that or truly affect that, the only person who can make us happy and be in charge of our life and our outcome is us... so let's GO GET IT.

---

My post yesterday on Connect:

Isn't this quote the truth!! HELLO, connecty friends! I have been super busy with work and working out and tracking on MyFitnessPal. Oh and elections... WOW my Facebook feed was full of hate (from both sides of the aisle) and I got really disappointed with how mean our society has become. I understand people are frustrated or happy but really... I was very saddened overall by We The People. But maybe people just needed a few days to regroup. I wish everyone behaved like they did here on Connect!! So in very positive news, I just took off my work dress pants without undoing the buttons or zippers. SUPER NSV!!!! Meeting is tomorrow morning, scale should be down but did I mention I REMOVED MY DRESS PANTS WITHOUT UNDOING THE BUTTONS OR ZIPPERS?!?!? 👖🎉 Look at me just changing my own life over here! Truly, all, I am so sorry our country had such a difficult day on Wednesday. Now let's all go out and be the change we want to see. We can change our lives and have a real positive impact on the lives of the people around us... so LET'S DO!

points judgement and compliments

As of the 1st I switched from counting Points to counting calories on MyFitnessPal.  I have stalled out on weight loss. I don't know if I'm not tracking well, if I'm overusing fruit, or what but I'm not losing any weight... so... let's try counting calories for a month and see how that goes. This will give me a sort of level eating method, similar to the BlueDots in WW but with the ability to consume more calories on the days I burn more calories. 

Also, right now I don't need the judgement that comes with Points. While I understand that Weight Watchers is trying to push healthier choices, and that healthier choices are a good thing - I don't like that if I have a 1/2 cup of gelato at 250 calories, WW thinks I need to fork over almost half of my daily points target to do so. I call these "punishment Points" and I know there will be a lot of that with the holidays coming. I want to enjoy cookies responsibly and without WW judgement. I can fit them into my life a lot better - and keep losing weight - if I count calories.

I'm really irritated my weight didn't go down in October. I did stick to the Points, and the plan, even though it wasn't working for the entire month.  Oh well, maybe calorie tracking is what I need. Tracking is tracking, and I will keep tracking.

Just now a coworker said it looks like I've lost inches. Yay! And my grandma noted it looked like I had lost weight. Double yay! Over this past weekend I went to a baby birthday party with a million cute kids and a bunch of trophy-wife moms... and felt... sad for me, for a minute. No kids, no trophy-wife body, either. And then I remembered that DH thinks I am his trophy wife. And we just went on an amazing trip, and it's likely that we'll go on a second amazing trip in February... so move on. 

I also had A Moment where I was very jealous of one trophy wife's abs... and then I realized "No, I'm not there, but I'm working toward it, so be happy that you are in the middle of doing something about it! Stop beating yourself up!" And I stopped.

The judgement is leaving the building. I keep having to push it away, but at least I am helping it along. And that's another reason that counting Points has got to go, right now - I just don't need that judgement in my life.

Let's talk about change

I was thinking last night about how I used to be so much fun and see the positive in everything and now I can't. And then I realized - it's not that I can't, it's that I DON'T. Or more correctly, I choose to focus on the negative and let it consume me and suck all the life out of me.
That has happened to me a few times, but only one I can specifically remember myself recognizing it and consciously changing my thoughts about the situation. It was after an abrupt breakup and the surprising onslaught of oppressive heartbreak crushed almost every bit of life out of me. But I saw that. And I changed.

Life Situation is here. It's happening, like it or not. And there are not as many "warm fuzzies" from this situation as I think there should be, which makes me feel worse about it. But maybe there will never be warm fuzzies. Maybe it's OK if I don't have them- I mean, let's drop that judgement there of how I *think* I should be feeling, and just actually feel what I feel and let it be OK, hmmmm? Just because I am not happy about Someone Else's Happy doesn't make me a bad person. I feel ridiculous even writing this, because it's something you say to a child, but it's ok to feel sad, or jealous, or disappointed. These are actual human feelings, and experiencing emotion - the good, the bad and the ugly - is part of the package of our existence. Those feelings will pass.

What is not OK is using Life Situation as an excuse for having a poor attitude, slacking on my goals (both personal and professional) and avoiding experiences because they may not give me the warm fuzzies I think I should be getting. I am guilty of doing all of these these things. I have blamed Life Situation for their occurrence, when the truth is, those are my choices. My bad attitude? My choice. Slacking on my fitness and work goals? My choice. Avoiding experiences that I will likely enjoy but *might* be forced to face negative emotions? My choice. My choice, my choice, my choice.

I'm going to be honest and say I doubt I am ready to do things differently. There is something safe about hiding out in my little cocoon of blaming the outside world for what's going on in here. But I'm *not* happy in here! I'm *not* actually comfortable, I'm just... used to this level of discomfort, and scared about the level of discomfort associated with changing because it's unknown. However, I also know that the end result, after I move through the hard, is going to be a WHOLE LOT MORE COMFORTABLE. So it's time to GET OUT of my uncomfortable comfort zone and CHANGE - ready or not.

Since this particular blog is about me Losing the Last Twenty pounds, that is all I am going to focus on here. So in that regard, these are the things I need to do:

- Consume less sugar. I do not work out enough to burn the calories, so this must go. I don't have to cut it out completely, but I can at the very least limit it to one day a week.
- Consume less alcohol. Not "no alcohol" but lately I have been drinking more. For the same reason I'm cutting back on sugar, I have to cut back on the alcohol. (I really did not want to include this on this list. I'm still sort of in denial about it. Hm.)
- Stay in the healthy zone of eating. I'm not sure that is a "blue dot" - I mean, if I do an hour on the bike it is likely I am going to need to eat those calories back to stay sane and a person that people don't mind having with them in social situations. BUT... I know when I'm way out of bounds. I even know when I am coming close to going out of bounds. I have to STOP myself before I get there. I can do this by remembering my goals. Perhaps I need to repeat them to myself in the bathroom before (or while) I'm in a social situation where I feel challenged.
- Walk Marco 30 minutes every day, unless the weather is unsafe to do so. I love my doggy. He brings me joy. The movement will be good for both of us. Patrick shouldn't have to be the only one to do it.
- Keep up the 2 weights workouts per week. Perhaps research options to mix it up (like use the old Base Workouts spreadsheets, or look into hiring a trainer for 2 months). But even if I stick with what I"m doing, that's still good.
- Actually go to yoga once a week. It doesn't have to be Bikram, but you have to go. Figure it out.
-Continue to track, and track honestly. Even if you are over, track it all.
-Meal prep your lunches every Sunday. Here are some websites:

http://www.eat-yourself-skinny.com/my-weekly-meal-prep-routine/

http://www.skinnytaste.com/the-skinnytaste-meal-planner/

http://www.skinnytaste.com/skinnytaste-dinner-plan-week-2/

Thinking about meal prep, I probably need to invest in some good food containers. Like, glass ones with sturdy tops. Will look...

I have to do it. For me. I'm the only one who can change the way things are for me.

What Would You Say

I surrender. I am laying down my arms and waving my open, empty hands high over my head. I am looking directly at you, You, so you know I mean it when I say I want peace between us. Because I love You.

You are the Me with fifty extra pounds on your frame. The Me that decided to go for it, to make a change, to struggle through opposition and make the changes stick. To work, relentlessly, toward the goal of a healthier body which would carry your soul – my soul – Our soul. You chose to make the investment of your time, your effort, your sweat… and You made so many sacrifices for Us. How can I feel anything other than gratitude and love for You?

And to Me, I also declare a truce. No more war, Me. No more blame for not getting to Her more quickly.  No more shame for remaining who You have become. Because right now, Me, you are awesome. You can ride your bike on every paved road in Arches National Park. You can walk a half marathon or more if you had to, and do it up or down a mountain. You are a great friend to great people. You are a wonderful wife, sister and doggy mom.  And you even do this while paying your bills on time, planning the home renovation and the spectacular vacations and working to keep yourself and your family healthy. Nothing but love, Me – I have nothing but love for you and the great hope we will enjoy peace between Us forever.

As for Her – we haven’t met yet, but know that You and Me are coming and We have been looking forward to meeting you for a very long time. Once we get there, help You and Me remember that We were just lost for a long time and didn’t know how to help ourselves. Once We get to you, Her, help us stay with you. We know you will take Us on lots of physical challenges and We will share many accomplishments but please don’t let You and Me forget that it’s not just Her that can do those things – it is We, and You and Me CHOSE to take on the effort to create the strong, healthy vessel for all of our souls. We are all each other.

No more war. Only peace between Us, for ever and ever. 

tired

I had a great birthday week. I did a lot of planning to stay within my points and save up for my actual birthday. I tracked and worked out and stuck to the plan. I went to the meeting ON my birthday, because I knew the day after (my normal meeting day) I'd be up from salt / sugar... well, the scale was stuck at the same place it has been for 2 weeks now. I haven't hit a plateau like this in a long time. Maybe next week will show a big loss.

I feel I am doing everything right and I'm happy to give myself the gift of good health. BUT... seeing the same number was extra disappointing on my birthday. I do know it's not about the number (totally applies to age, too!) but still. Speaking of age, an old friend saw me and wondered how it was possible to look younger. What a nice compliment! I feel good. I look healthy, even if I have a few extra pounds. But I am tired. I'm not getting enough sleep, I have a few work projects going on and they're just slipping lately. And things are really starting to seem overwhelming, so I think it's important for me to kind of relax and figure out what really needs to be done in the near future.

My birthday was really wonderful. This is the point where some sort of reconciliation is beginning, or ending, or whatever - it's different for everyone, and for me I feel I am at the end of it. The last half of my thirties were spent wrestling with what God gave me. It's only in the last year that I've come to accept it and enjoy the blessings for what they are. There are so many blessings.

Happy Friday, friends.

because you will talk yourself out of it

These days, I make a plan and stick to the plan. I have to, because as a Totally Mindless Eater, I will just go right back up the scale. During a meeting a few months back, someone told me these wise words:"Don't think about it, just do it." 

TRUTH! Everything related to weight loss is really not something you need to think about, it's just something you need to do. If I think about it, I will talk myself into or out of whatever I'm thinking about. So I just make my plan, and when I am halfway through my day and going "Hm, should I actually do this?" I stop myself, remind myself of the plan and just do it.

Today I went and erged at lunch, pulled 6K in 28:22 doing minute on, minute off. It was HARD and I was TIRED and I totally did not want to do it, but I did it. Helps that a project deadline got pushed back, too.

I also decided to take some time for me and sign up for a writer's workshop, it starts tonight. And I have planned to be able to enjoy a slice of the green chile apple pie that Mr. Blueberry Pancakes and I made last night. YUM.

Off to go DO!

There is a Big Thing going on in my life that I have very little control over. I know I have control over my reactions to it (externally, at least), but I hate the immediate internal reactions it brings. Tears. Sadness. Jealousy. Anxiety. Anger. So many types of feelings I actively avoid but lately these unwelcome guests are dropping into my life daily - and some days, hourly.

I'm trying to roll with it. I'm trying to let the feeling happen when it does barge in. I'm trying to remember that "this too shall pass" (it will) and to look for the silver lining (it's there). But in the interim, dealing with these feelings is hard and I'm tired. Relationships are affected. Work is affected. My sleep and overall well-being is affected. I don't know how to fix it. I don't know what to do about it. I feel broken and frustrated.

Earlier this week I had a very vivid dream about a person who - at one desolate point in my life - was my biggest supporter and fan. In the dream I had, we were walking into a stadium and I was elated they were with me. But they didn't want to walk in with me because they didn't want the attention. They wanted me to go on, saying that I didn't need them (so I must have been walking in to a big celebration for me, or a show I was putting on?) Only, I did not want to walk into that stadium without them. So I stayed with them as we entered, and blended into the crowd with them. I didn't know or care what was going on in the stadium - I was just so happy to be with them. My dad was there. I said I'd introduce them, but that seemed to make this person more nervous so I dropped it.

I looked up what it means to have stadiums show up in your dreams... and apparently:

To see or dream that you are in an arena indicates that you need to be in an environment where you can freely express yourself. You need a stage or platform for your self-expression. Alternatively, the dream may indicate that there is some issue or problem that needs to be brought into the open.

I'd say both things are going on. I feel like I can't express my actual feelings about Big Thing going on - or that I have no safe space to do so. I also feel that there is an issue (and I don't know what it is, exactly) but the fact that my angel from a decade [or more] ago showed up in my subconscious this week sort of makes it apparent that YES, there IS an issue.

So that's where I am right now. I am lost in the comparison of myself to others, when if I really look at it, I'm awesome. I have a great life that I have worked for. People trust me. I have a husband who loves me, an affectionate dog who could NOT be ANY more sweet, a house people love to come hang out in and plenty of people to share it all with. I actively keep myself healthy (usually). So I am, actually, quite awesome and I'm just going to keep that shit up.

Friday update - 175.0

I am nearly back at my pre-EuroTrip weight. Go, me.

I had planned on yoga Thursday, but it didn't work out, so I went to the gym (in my yoga clothes, which meant A TANK TOP, which I never EVER wear to the gym) and erged. I did minute-on, minute-off for 30 minutes, and ended up pulling 6K in 28:29. That's amazing, considering it was minute on, minute OFF. I wonder what I can get my 6K time down to? Ummm... not gonna go there.

Tonight is Great American Beer Fest. I shouldn't be here writing because I have a specific list of things I need to get done before I leave work today... on the other hand... I'm happy to post here. Earlier this week Le Grande Dame and I made pretzel necklaces for ourselves and our significant others to wear as we walk around tasting beer. We also killed a lovely bubbly bottle of rose in the process. By the way, that bottle was my first ever WHISPER when opening bubbly! Our screaming immediately negated the effects... ha! And who knows, perhaps that's the last time I will do it, but I DID IT. Ha!!!

Anyhow, back to GABF. I have planned out my eating and drinking and am just going to use extra points for the after-meal, though I don't want to use too many extra points for that! My goal is to keep it to 15 points. It is possible to do this. Goals goals goals and BUILD THE NEW. This is a behavior I am consciously trying to BUILD - eating like a normal person, which means splurging a little every so often. Managed splurging, if you will.

I am four pounds from my Halloween Challenge goal (silly number). This is happening. It really is and I believe I will be at goal before Christmas! 11 weeks for 11 pounds. Wow.

Happy Friday, friends!

October

I'm so happy it's October! I have a few things going on this month. Like, my birthday and my nephew's birthday and my sister moving to town and the Great American Beer Fest and did I mention it's MY FAVORITE MONTH?

So the scale was down last week. It felt like a cheat because I was well over my points, but I'll take it. As a result of that loss, this week I have fewer points to deal with. I think that to get to goal (not the number but where I feel very healthy) something really has to change. So much has changed since I first started my weight loss journey but it's not over. I was pondering the fact that I'll have days where I eat A LOT - like, 2x the calories I need. Those days are OK every so often... like on your birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas. But I tend to have them, well, at least monthly. And lately I've been having high-calorie (or overpoints) days a couple times a week. Clearly there is room for improvement.

Enter the Blue Dot Challenge. On Weight Watchers, there is a monthly calendar where you get a blue dot on the dates your eating falls in a healthy range of points (27-37 for me). This is a great visual. In September, my calendar was about 1/2 full blue dots (thank you, vacation and generally poor choices!) Well the challenge is to get all, or near all, blue dots for a month. Since we just started a new month I decided to join the challenge and my plan is to get 6/7 blue dots for each week of October. It's interesting I found this challenge right as I have been thinking I need to level out my food consumption and focus on learning to eat like the healthy, balanced person I want to be... MOST of the time. This is a good way to start doing that.

This will take work, and I have to plan my day of the week that I'll get to go over. This week, it was delicious Mexican lunch with friends on Saturday. Next week, it's GABF. The week after that, my birthday and the week after that, Baby T's Halloween BBQ party. So there are my four days. And interesting enough, I don't feel badly about having this plan, or like it's going to be so difficult to manage. On the OTHER days, I max out at 37 points, so I just need to figure out how to keep myself in check. I can have a heck of an enjoyable day on 37 points. And I can also reassess this goal and figure out if these are realistic expectations, or if  I need to baby-step myself a little more. I also know I'm doing a bike ride Oct. 15th, so maybe that day or day after I'll be eating more... or maybe I'll just save the points 'til my bday. Heyyyyyy look at how I just planned that. (Though I promise if I am truly hungry or weak, I will pick the points up as my body dictates.)

Also, October is pretty much going to focus on weights and yoga. I'll add cardio back in after Halloween. And with that, I'm off to the gym. Happy October, friends!

this PHOTO

I love this photo. I love Sophia Loren! Maybe I'll watch one of her movies this weekend. The only one I ever honestly remember watching is "Grumpy Old Men." But this photo.. THIS PHOTO!! What is shocking is that *my own body* resembles that of the woman in this photo! My friend posted this picture on FaceBook with some quote attributed to Sophia Loren, which everyone on the interwebs refuted. But honestly, this photo needs no quote attached. Just look at this woman - bellissima!!

So this hasn't been the best week, re-entry to the real world after the EuroTrip has been HARD. I am happy to say that... work is actually better. A nice long vacation certainly helps you appreciate that the crap you deal with on a daily basis can provide you with stellar life experiences. So, there's that. But getting back into the crap you deal with on a daily basis? DIFFICULT. I went off the rails for two days - TWO WHOLE DAYS, DAMMIT. Totally wish I had this stress-eating thing licked, but I don't, and that's OK I'm back on the wagon and I'll just move on. I'm up 0.8 lbs according to WW scale. And, speaking of the scale...

I did not want to weigh in this morning. I really didn't. I went and I even TOLD the girl checking me in that I didn't want to, and she offered up the "no weigh-in" option to me. But I said 'nope, it's just a number.' And I stepped on the scale, it was up 0.8, I enjoyed the meeting and ran in to Target before work. And then I came and got to work. So that's what 'carrying on with the generally healthy life I've been living' looks like.

I've set a goal to be down 6 pounds by Halloween. Again, a number, and not that I'm focusing on it but it will give something to progress toward. No worries if I don't hit it. I can't believe it is FALL, already.

Happy Friday, friends.

Significant (post EuroTrip)

I have just returned from an incredible EuroTrip that started off with a week in Paris, a day trip touring the champagne town of Reims, a train ride to Milan, a few days on Lake Como, an excursion to Parma-Reggio-Modena, a few days in Umbria including a visit to the city of Assisi (as in, St. Francis thereof) and then 2 days in Rome. I was with friends, I met up with old friends, boyfriend and I had a spectacular few days of just the two of us driving around Italy and I got to visit my favorite place in the world once more. It was a magical, magical trip.

There are millions of great photos from that trip. The one I’m posting here is not one of them – however, it may be the best photo of my weight loss journey. My whole goal before the trip started was to lose enough weight to look good in the pictures. You can see my backside in this one… and for the first time ever, I don’t hate how I look. I think I look great, and like a NORMAL HUMAN BEING. And in most of the other photos taken on this trip, I really love how I look. It has taken such a long time for me to do the work and GET THERE, and also to get where my head is in this space of being positive about my appearance.

There is a story behind the jeans I am wearing in this photo. They are called “The Dreamer” by the manufacturer; it is sewn on the inside of the waistband. I have kept them high up on a shelf in my closet for a very long time. Every once in a while I’d pull them down and try them on thinking ‘Maybe this time?’ but I was always met with too much resistance to zip them up. I’d quickly fold them back up and think they were appropriately named, as I was just DREAMING I would fit into them. Well, before the trip as I was looking for the clothes I wanted to take, I went through that same routine of pulling them down off the shelf ‘just to see.’ And this time… they zipped up, and they fit perfectly! They were the best fitting pair of jeans I owned, so they went on the trip with me and they are the ones I was wearing in this photo. I turned my dream into a reality!

One other thing that is significant – being away and completely off any routine for almost three weeks, not tracking and not making 100% good choices, I returned to reality only one pound heavier than when I left (according to my bathroom scale this morning). I do feel a bit “puffy” not having done weights for so long but I’m excited about heading to the gym after work to rectify that situation. I give myself credit for making *pretty good* choices the whole time I was gone and I also got a lot of activity walking for hours each day. I’m super happy that I can go away and have a great time and basically maintain my weight – that is a FEAT and GO, ME!!

begin again

This morning I had the girls at WW change my starting weight to my original start weight, 208.2. Man. I can't believe I was ever that heavy. I was actually heaviER before I went to my first meeting, I had lost 10 or 15 pounds on my own before I got up the guts to walk in the door. And here I am 10 years later still down almost 30 pounds. Go, me.

My week was interesting. DH and I have been together for a total of 8 years. We started dating as the 2008 Summer Olympics were starting. We spent our anniversary volunteering for a triathlon, and as timing would have it we were driving from our volunteer post back into town and police stopped traffic just shy of a big crowd of people, flashing lights and bicyclists. As we waited, an ambulance showed up and stopped about 30 yards ahead to pick up an athlete who crashed on her bike. We watched as they put her on a stretcher - her legs were moving, which was a good thing because at least she wasn't totally broken or paralyzed, but what a terrible way to have your race interrupted. The ambulance left the scene and traffic slowly resumed. As we rolled by the site of the crash there was a LOT of blood on the pavement, along with some "stuff" - which could be anything - bike gloves, bandages, whatever... it was gross. DH commented on the amount of blood. I know you can lose a LOT of blood and be fine, so I was happy that I had seen her legs moving while she was on the stretcher. We rolled on into town and met our friends for breakfast. Then the rumors started... hit and run (not true)... not enough police officers (not true) or traffic volunteers (possibly true)... and then we found out she died - TRUE.

And the image of the blood and the stuff I had seen on the pavement was burnished into my brain.

I spent a fairly obsessive six hours researching the girl, the scene, the stories that were coming out on Facebook and online. And I came to the conclusion that there was no way it would have been a hit-and-run, with the number of witnesses and police in the area. I also realized that there was no way some car would have crossed all those cones into a bike lane FULL of cyclists, this rider must have ventured outside the cones and into traffic. As it turns out, both my conclusions were true. The man driving the truck stayed on scene and cooperated fully with officers. The girl on the bike did indeed veer into the traffic lane, was struck by the vehicle and run over as she went down. What a horrible, horrible accident. I was relieved to hear it was rider error rather than DRIVER error, but at the same time clearly I wish it had not happened at all.

In any case, I spent a lot of Sunday evening eating. And eating. It wasn't terrible, but it wasn't great. I was over my points for the day. I knew I was doing it because I was racked with that image and the fear that OH MY GOD I RIDE ON THE ROAD HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN DURING A RACE WHAT AM I DOING DO I NEED TO GIVE UP BIKING WTF WTF WTF and so I just ate. Some crackers. Some cheese. Some potato salad. Fruit. A brownie. More crackers. I ended up about 10 points over. C'est la vie. I knew what I was doing, acknowledged it and kept on going, but righted my ship on Monday.

Then a friend wants to throw a (good) wrench into our upcoming Euro-trip, so I spent time on the phone with her about how to hash that out with another friend... and then there was work drama, and I also had to prepare for a job interview (which I have no idea how it went but the hiring manager did seem very happy to see me today, so... good?) and then I was on the phone for an hour with my sister talking about all the things that happened in her life (major, major things which are good but a LOT to digest) so... it's a miracle I got even one workout in. But I got 2. And today it will be 3. And I tracked everything and made it to my meeting. So, go me.

At the meeting I had them update my weight to my correct starting weight. So even though I have posted a gain this week (likely due to the tomato sauce I ate at dinner last night) I am -29.2 overall. Seriously awesome. And it's a new week. I am totally ready to put all the drama from last week behind me and just begin again.

Happy Friday, friends!

you look amazing

Five people have told me this in the past two weeks. I am trying my darnedest to agree with them. It is HARD for me to wrap my head around You Look Like a Normal Human Being when, for most of my life, I was overweight and even obese.

I have been trying to bike, swim and lift weights regularly. I have been trying to eat less crap (and I'm pretty successful at that, 95% of the time). I have been trying to acknowledge what I love about this spectacular disease-free body I inhabit. And by trying, what is happening is that I am ACTUALLY DOING that stuff, and tracking, too! And the DOING is definitely getting results.

There have been a few incidents of too many chips or too many drinks or a skipped workout. But those are rare and OKAY when they happen. I actually started to sort of freak myself out on Friday because I was really exhausted and went to bed late on Thursday night, and getting up for a workout seemed like the last thing I wanted to do because I was over-tired. So I decided the best thing I could do for myself was get some rest - and I slept in. And I felt amazing when I woke up! I consciously chose to get rest rather than workout, and guess what happened next? I moved on with the day like a normal human being. I didn't beat myself up. I acknowledged that I FELT BETTER because after last week I really did need the rest.

So I'm doing what I need to do, and if the scale isn't moving that's OK because the comments on how I look are coming freely. I think it's great that others are noticing and I like their comments, but the only person whose acceptance I really need is MY OWN. And I am working diligently on that. I can say my legs look great, my shoulders look great, I look like a normal person (maybe even a slightly muscular woman?) in recent photos I have seen of myself. I love riding my bike. I love going to the pool. I love the results that weight training gets me. I love chocolate cake and pizza, and I still eat eat both but in moderation and I truly do not feel deprived.

This is happening, people... and the person I have to convince THE MOST that they do indeed look amazing is myself, but THAT is happening, too! :)

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Pic is DH and I at a wedding last weekend. He's one of the five people who commented!!! 

dogs and cats, living together, MASS HYSTERIA....

So. I do this thing where I think something bad is happening (usually something bad IS actually happening) and then my mind thinks that I am the CAUSE of this bad thing (usually I am NOT the cause of Bad Thing, just a witness to it) and then my mind takes itself on a joyride that just SNOWBALLS really really quickly and suddenly the bad thing is a terrible thing is a horrible crippling soul-sucking mass-destruction-inflicting THING that I have created (but in reality, I have NOT created it) and now I - and everyone near me - cannot escape.

This is destructive. And exhausting. And definitely not good for me nor those who are close to me. Luckily I've had some counseling around this, so I do have some tools but sometimes, man, that joyride just starts and I'm on it, even though I definitely don't want to be.

So that is what happened on Sunday. And I figured it out fairly quickly, so the carnage was minimal. But, there was carnage. I had to do a lot of apologizing - to myself, to my husband, to my doggy love who was nice enough to stick rightbymyside the whole time because he knew I was upset. (Actually doggy love needs no apologies, he just got lots of free pets. But still, I felt badly as he followed me around.) And I felt really silly because even though Bad Thing happened, the resulting fallout was purely a ridiculous incident of my own creation.

As this Bad Thing was happening, I didn't work out, I didn't track, and today the scale is up and I'm sad I let that happen. I am sure it will go down some, but a three-day detour is not really great for getting to my goals. This type of terrible thinking is definitely something I need to learn to deal with a little more quickly - I'm working on that.

I can't remember the last time I let my head take it to a completely unwarranted DEFCON-5 type of level and I really hope it doesn't happen again anytime soon. My saving grace about this episode is that I recognized it for what it was within a few hours (as opposed to the DAYS it usually takes me to figure out what's really going on). But even so, I still self-destructed and it took a while to clean up the chaos and get myself back on track - in several areas of my life, not just with weight loss. Today I'm back and I think it's important that I at least acknowledge that a) this happened and b) I'm getting better about dealing with it and c) I've still got work to do - but I can, will, and AM doing that work.

Keep on keepin' on, friends. :)

the fog

It's not everywhere, but it is definitely over "there" a lot. My job is the city, shrouded in fog but just like this photo, it's beautiful over in Sausalito. I'll be fine if I can keep in mind that it's usually foggier in the city, and remember not to spend too much time there.

Doing a lunchtime ride today... kind of my very own day trip to Sausalito. ;)

Colorado BikeMS

I did half of the Colorado BikeMS 2-day ride this weekend. 66 miles on a bike, which I believe is my farthest distance yet, by one mile! It was a really fun ride, very well supported and I was with lots of friends. I forgot how much fun it was to ride with other people!

I love this photo of me at the finish. I was really happy with how I did. It was just a beautiful, fun day and I had a really nice ride. And then when I finally looked at the pics, I couldn't believe how overweight I looked in all of them - until I saw this one, and I was like "Oh my gosh, is that really ME? How did you make me look so thin in it?!?!"

So. Yeah. The ride was easy. Truly, I barely felt like I was trying. Totally could have ridden back the second day, but was happy to just hang out with Mr. Blueberry Pancakes for a few hours.

There's a lot of life stress going on at the moment. It sort of led me to make poor decisions on Saturday, despite my major bike ride. In the end I did ok. I did recognize it as it happened, and started tracking, and moved on with better decisions overall. It is amazing how much you can eat if you aren't paying attention. For a little bit, I consciously chose not to pay attention, but I don't want to do that anymore.

I'm so happy I did this ride, and I can't wait to do it again next year!

Before the Ride

I'm down a few pounds from where I was when I said I wanted to be lighter for the Bike MS ride! That is something.

I have been tracking WW style for two weeks. It's been good. I've been drinking a LOT less alcohol since starting to track. I've also been a lot more mindful and conscious of what I am eating. This is now a priority, rather than an afterthought with a "hope for the best!" mentality. DH and I have been trying to save money so have been eating in a lot, which has helped my WW efforts.

I kind of feel like I'm going to get to goal this summer. Like, there's no "clutter" or things to get in my way, I'm not really thinking about it, I'm just doing it. I can actually see my goal and I want to take (and am taking!) the steps to get there. That's been missing for a while. I am pretty sure that going to meetings and tracking has helped. I also have a "summer sticker sheet" inside my bathroom cabinet. It's a nice visual and a way to keep me (literally) focused on my goals.

I guess I feel that it's now out there in the universe and it's just gonna happen. :)

the birth of venus

The Botticelli painting... my body resembles hers. I find this interesting.

My clothes are tight and I'm not loving how I look in them. My weight is the same. I'm not exactly in a space where I'm doing anything about this, though I have been to the gym for weights and spin already this week, and am operating on "whole food consciousness" where I try to just eat real food. (I allow dark chocolate and black licorice, too...)

I'd like to be lighter for the MS150 ride, and also want to fit nicely into my clothes. Weights workouts and eating well will do this by the end of June...

180.2 and this week

I'm doing a little better than I thought. I even ate sfogliatelle and lost weight. On average, I lost a pound per week over the last 3 weeks. Go me.

The plan is to keep this going through August.

I think it's important that I recognize my ability to subconsciously do what I need to do. I didn't track but I did listen to my body. I ate what I wanted, but only what felt right. I split a lot of things with Mr. Blueberry Pancakes. I ate slowly and enjoyed the food and the people I shared it with. As a result, I'm near my 'comfortable' weight - the weight it doesn't take a lot of effort to stay at.

I do think I'll need to step it up to get below this point. After being at the gym Monday, I was too tired the rest of the week. But I'm caught up now and feel like I can do the work.

Being MINDFUL about my food choices worked for me. And now, to carry it forward through the summer....

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Weight is according to Weight Watchers. My own scale said 177.8.  

morning workout

I'm back in the Land of the Living. Went to Philly on Thurs. to visit my Grandma and have a 20-year reunion for my Dad Vail's medal. We walked a lot, thank goodness, because of course we ate a lot. I did... poorly with food, overall. But I decided that when I get back I'm getting up and doing MORNING WORKOUTS, so that's what I did today! This pic is of me on the way home, after I did my 30 minute Schuykill-inspired erg workout. Nothing crazy, just 30 minutes with 5 1-minute-on pieces throughout the last 10 minutes. I'm using this week to get myself used to doing morning workouts. I almost didn't go, but then I said GET OUT OF BED and I got dressed and I'm happy I made it to the gym!

B: egg, 1 oz. cheese, 1/2 a big orange

S: almonds (16ish)

L: A grandma sandwich. Roll, cold cuts, cheese, veggies, oil and vinegar

S: A small lemon cookie from Testa's bakery.

D: TBD I think we're going out.

What do I think of this? It's... a start. I don't want to waste food, so I won't. I'll also be a good bit healthier after today, back to the basics of real food, less alcohol, etc. Will watch it on dinner. I do want to be in better shape before heading abroad... and for Danielle's wedding.

The good thing about being away was I didn't really drink at all. Just wine with meals, and maybe 6 oz at a time at the most.

I do have a caffeine addiction. I am cutting back, starting today.

I am so happy to be healthy!!!!

still sick... sort of...

Yesterday I woke up with pink eye in BOTH eyes. Sheesh kabeeshka! I went to the dr, and today I'm still home because I have crazy zombie eyes. I hope the drops start kicking in soon... oh yeah this comes on the heels of the laryngitis I had this weekend. This is just a really crazy sick run and I'm ready to be feeling GREAT again!

As for weight loss, I can't say I'm focused on that this week. I am making pretty good food choices, though I've had a lot of extra sugar with all the honey/lemon drinks and frozen yogurt. I think whatever happens on the scale (whichever way it goes) would just be a sickness-related anomaly anyhow. If I'm burning any extra calories, it's due to laundry and errands. That's the extent of my exercise.

Right now I'm just focusing on getting better. Truly, that's all I want to do. Dr. said I'm clear to go to work, etc - that I'm contagious, but just be conscious. He also said I can travel. Guess we'll see how I do today and tomorrow.

blahhhhhhhh

I've been sick since Wednesday. Bad cold. Terrible sore throat. :( Missed 2 days of work. On the plus side, got to watch the full 5-hour Pride and Prejudice. Colin Firth makes it all better.

Today is the first day I feel like maybe I'm on the mend.

Zero workouts, zero meal planning. I have been hungry. Trying to eat on the "more well" side of the spectrum.

almonds over pop tarts

Cheerios for breakfast = you're gonna be hungry.

I keep almonds at work. Just now, I chose to eat THEM over the strawberry Pop-Tarts down in our break room vending machine. Go, me.

I'm sick. DH and I both have colds which started showing up Saturday. Mine is worse, right now but we're pretty much on the same path. My throat hurts, I'm exhausted and there is so much snot. But I still get hungry, whatever that means.

Plan today... just hang in there. Truly. I didn't bring a lunch. I have no idea what I'll have for dinner.

My pants are tight. It's not good. But at the moment I feel too badly to do anything at all about it. I really just want some chicken soup and a very, very long nap.

183.2 and last week

So I had a total stay, exact same weight, last week. I'll take this as a win because it was an extremely stressful work week (late nights to get a project done) and I did a good job overall keeping myself in check. It was definitely an opportunity to PRACTICE making good decisions under duress... sometimes I did well, sometimes I did not, my end result was I was the same weight, I'll take it.

Now back to losing. Sort of. See, after the awesome week, I didn't do well Friday or yesterday. It's like I just needed a real break so I ate mexican food, pizza, a burger, ice cream... all fine things, but all in the same 48 hours? Yikes! Time to get back on the bus. You like where it's going and you like how you feel when you're on it, so, all aboard.

Tonight DH and I are going out for our anniversary. I'm so happy I married him. :)

Today:
4 small homemade blueberry pancakes, 2 tbsp real maple syrup, coffee with 1% milk.

L: TBD (high veggies, healthy!!)

D: TBD (healthy!!)

April 20

Little by little, I will get there. After my post last night, I did walk the dog and made a conscious choice NOT to have a drink when I got home (it was hard). I also had olives, a mini babybel light, a spoonful of peanut butter and a dinner that was... 2 slices of Papa Murphy's Mediterranean Chicken deLite pizza and a salad. I compromised. After dinner, I had a slice of bread with a pat of butter and a tea biscuit, I'm happy I only had ONE tea biscuit. That was hard, too. Baby steps. I am happy that I did not totally give up on myself and my goals yesterday. I sort of found a gray area to hang out in. I even said to DH that "I don't want to eat or drink these bad feelings away."

I don't think it would be fair (to myself) not to mention that I am having a very hard time with work these days. I am really wrestling with the kind of person I am becoming by staying where I am, and yesterday I attended a "training" session which magnified my situation. I have asked to speak with my boss' boss about executive coaching, she and I are going to lunch tomorrow.

So, here's today:

B: egg, 2 Boulder Breakfast Sausage links, 1/2 pear, coffee with 1% milk

L: grilled shrimp, grilled scallops, broccoli

S: dark chocolate ginger square

D: 2 slices Papa Murphy's Mediterranean DeLite Pizza, salad with romaine, spinach, tomatoes, red pepper

E: weights workout after work

S: tea biscuit

Daily Motivation: I'm shifting my focus to building my new body, rather than getting rid of the old one!

Not coming here is not OK, and April 19

I didn't post yesterday. I didn't eat well, either. Didn't post today, also didn't eat well. I see a pattern. I have to come here to plan if I'm going to be successful. I need to make deliberate decisions and then follow through on them. I didn't want to come here at 5:15 in the afternoon because today has been, well, not the best in terms of what I need to be doing to get to my goal. However, just because I'm not perfect doesn't mean I should throw in the towel now, does it? So when I'm slipping and when I don't want to come here and face it, that's a flashing warning that I need to come here and post. So, here goes.

B: egg, homemade waffle (1), apples, 1 tsp maple syrup, coffee with 1% milk

L: ground beef taco meat, chicken, 1 oz. cheddar cheese, 1 TBSP sour cream, 1 TBSP guacamole, 4 tortilla chips, 1/3 cup refried beans, lettuce and tomatoes. 1 8" flour tortilla.

S: a peanut butter cookie. and a bite of a brownie. And a handful of animal cookies.

D: I don't know yet. I really don't. Honestly right now, I just want to go to dinner and have someone else cook it, serve me, and clean up afterward. Could do salmon burger, salad and potatoes. Don't even need the potatoes. Maybe a rotisserie chicken, roasted veggies and a salad? <- This sounds pretty awesome. So does the salmon burger, to be honest!

E: tired. should spin, too tired to do it. Maybe an early night is what I need. Will walk the doggy love.

S: tea and a tea biscuit.

April 17, Snow Day #2

B: 3 homemade waffles with 2TBSP maple syrup, a granny smith apple, 2 Boulder Breakfast Sausage links.

L: 2 slices leftover pizza from Virgilios, 1 stalk of celery, 1 whisky cocktail

D: chix breast, roasted zucchini, tomato sauce, maybe a salad

S: beer, maybe? And probably a cookie? *I just scrolled down to my April 14 post with those pics of that girl's wonderful transformation, and I will skip the cookie today. But not the beer, if DH wants to go get one!!

E: Again, none. Snow day. Trip planning, folding laundry, petting the doggy love... Methinks it would be in my best interest to get some exercise in... ? Walk the doggy in the snowy neighborhood?

Yesterday was 4/16

And it looked like this:


B: egg, broccoli, cheddar

L: 1/2 chix enchilada, 1/2c black beans, romaine salad with tomatoes, cucumber, olive oil and balsamic.

S: 1TBSP peanut butter and a mini babybel light

D: 3 garlic knots, 2 slices of pizza and a glass of red wine, house salad w/ balsamic on side (Virgilio's)

S2: Whiskey cocktail: 2 oz. liquor + 2 awesome Luxardo cherries, and 1TBSP dark chocolate chips

E: none. snowday. read book.

April 15

Was late to WW meeting. Up 3 lbs. Could be the tomato sauce and salt from dinner last night. Also could be that my choices this week were not stellar. I had a busy work week. I want to learn how to make good food choices when things get hard.

B: egg, 1/2 cup Fage 2% Greek yogurt, 1/2 cup blueberries, coffee with 2% milk.

L: salad with a protein (Cheddar's Kale salad?) Yes

S: almonds nope, mini babybel light and some pineapple

D: 1/2 a chicken enchilada, salad, black beans  yes

S: let's skip the sugar. Alcohol, I'm sure. DH and I may go for a beer no sugar, but did have a whisky cocktail.

E: 30 minute walk, somewhere in here today. (Also, if I can swing it I will try to leave early today to make it to a yoga class at 4:30PM. Not counting on that... but maybe...) did get to the yoga class!!

Daily Motivation: Be kind to yourself. I really am irritated that I'm up this week and I do feel it's because I didn't make good choices. The extra sugar during the week, an extra glass of wine, tortilla chips, not working out as much - these things all added up to a gain.

April 14

This morning I went to get a new driver's license and I put 160 as my weight. My goal is to be below that number before my birthday this year, about six months away. Actually not so much to get to the number as to have a transformation similar to the girl in these photos!

Steps for today:

B: egg, 1/2 cup Fage 2% yogurt, 1/2 cup blueberries, coffee with 2% milk

L: salad with a protein. Whole foods? *Anthony's salad and side of 2 meatballs

S: 12 almonds, 1 cup grapes *yes almonds, but no grapes. Add a mini babybel light and the roasted sweet potatoes.

D: one chicken enchilada, steamed broccoli, roasted sweet potatoes  *no broccoli, also sweet potatoes were a snack. Add salad with tomatoes, cucumber, onions. Side of 1/2 cup black beans. 

S: pineapple, maybe some chocolate chips *yes, and a sip of Sambucca

E: swim *no workout. Did walk the dog 30 minutes.

Daily Motivation: This photo. I have no idea who she is but she was on The Berry's Daily Motivation website today. I am working toward a similar change in appearance for myself over the next 6 months. (Bonus, I already own the "after" hat!!)

April 13

Late writing, but had a plan this morning and have stuck to it!

B: oatmeal, 1/2 banana, 1TBSP peanut butter, coffee with 1% milk

L: 1/2 cup of chicken chili, 1/2 avocado with mixed greens

S: 1 cup grapes, mini babybel light

D: spinach and cheese ravioli with tomato sauce, romaine salad with tomato, cucumber, onion, olive oil and balsamic *no tomato sauce. Boo.

S: Not sure why I didn't put in a second snack!! Pineapple, roasted sweet potatoes, and 16g dark chocolate chips. 

E: weights workout

Daily motivation: just do it. I'm happy I'm doing it. Not easy every day, but I'm doing it and I'll get there.

April 12

I didn't start with a plan. It's 4PM and I'm writing now.

B: egg, 1/2 cup Fage Greek yogurt with 1/2 cup blueberries, coffee with half and half

L: 1.5 cups green chile (think it was chicken, not pork), 2 6" flour tortillas, 10 tortilla chips.

S: mini Reese's PB cup, fun-size Krackel bar, 1 square dark chocolate

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What I've learned here is that I must pre-track my day in the morning!! Here is the plan for the rest of the day:

E: Spin class *The beefy guy, not Katie H, and again he gave a good workout. 

D: salmon, roasted sweet potatoes, romaine salad with cucumbers, olive oil, balsamic

S: homemade Dr. Bird cake. *and a bite of a peanut butter cookie, and 1/2 brownie. Hm. Sugar begets sugar, or it was all out on the table so I sampled it all? Did I need to do that? Cake, yes, the rest, let's think about that next time...

Daily Motivation: go spin and earn that cake.... that's my daily motivation!!!

April 11 looks like this

B: oatmeal, blueberries, 2TBSP sliced almonds

L: 3 oz. salmon, roasted brussels sprouts, roasted cauliflower

S: grapes, mini babybel light *and some rice crackers, ~5, and some peanut butter pieces

D: salmon, roasted sweet potatoes, romaine salad with cucumbers, avocado, quinoa olive oil and balsamic *nope, went to Pete's Greek hole in the wall. Had 1/2 small greek salad, 2 bites of spanikopita, 1/2 cup moussaka, 3 bites chix noodle soup. 

S: pineapple nope, baklava. Delish. neither love nor hate that it went this way. 

E: off day today. definitely need to recover from yesterday's crazy ski! *did walk Doggy Love for 30 minutes

Daily motivation: rest is part of the program. Do it well!
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Today did not go as planned. That's OK, for one day.

April 10 looks like this

B: bagel with veggie cream cheese, coffee with 1% milk *they had MINI bagels - SO GREAT!!!

L: 1 slice pizza, pineapple, celery and bell peppers *add 6 oz. hot chocolate

S: beer or apres-ski cocktail *had a glass of wine with dinner. Also did not bring enough food for the work we did skiing, so apres-ski also included a bean-and-cheese burrito from Taco Bell. INHALED it. 

D: salmon, roasted brussels sprouts and cauliflower *add roasted potatoes

S: more wine, 1TBSP chocolate chips

E: ski day. Easy day... since we haven't been skiing! *Ended up being the hardest ski day we've had in a long time! Skied 10AM-3PM, pretty hard the whole time. Stopped for lunch for 30ish minutes. Did not pack enough food, had to supplement...

April 9 looks like this

B: egg, 1/4 avocado, 1/2 orange, coffee with 1% milk

S: banana, 2TBSP pb

L: romaine salad with peppers, celery, quinoa and 1/4 avocado, maybe 1/2 oz. salami

S: cantaloupe or pears, 1 oz brie *No fruit here. 1 oz asiago instead of brie, salami eaten here, bell peppers, hummus and a mini babybel light cheese

D: no idea, but would love a burger or steak over some greens, some sweet potato fries and a glass of wine.  Did a cedar plank salmon and roasted brussels sprouts, cauliflower and potatoes.

S: brownie and grilled pineapple

E: weights, 40 mins full body circuit (Base Workout) did this and rode bike to and from gym. Nice!!

Note: Because it's the weekend, I have no idea what one of my meals - Lunch or Dinner - will be. One of them will definitely be a big salad.

It was hard for me to write today's plan because it's the weekend. But I want to be successful, so planning has to be a part of EACH day.

Daily Motivation: You're doing awesome, so KEEP GOING!!! 

April 8 update

Weight change from last Friday is that I'm down 2 pounds!!! Planning it out really works. 14ish to go....

Here is what Friday, April 8 looks like:

B: egg, Siggi's blueberry yogurt, coffee with 1% milk

S: banana, 6 almonds, tea with half-and-half had peanuts instead of almonds, opening day!

L: roasted chicken, roasted carrots and potatoes, romaine salad with tomatoes, 1/4 avocado, olive oil and balsamic vinegar

S: 1 medium orange, 6 almonds also had a mini babybel, a tsp of peanut butter, a half a bell pepper and 2TBSP hummus

D: Pho (DH request if we go to Costco) or pizza (me request!). Glass of wine. Veggies if I can. Maybe dinner at Pho place for me is spring rolls? had 2 slices cheese pizza and a romaine salad with peppers, celery, quinoa, olive oil and balsamic vinegar

S: Dark chocolate and another glass of wine. yep! and had some white chocolate chips, too, maybe a 1/2 Tbsp

E: lunchtime ride! rode for an hour with Gregg

Daily motivation: Keep up the great work and enjoy the ride!

Focus

I originally posted this on my blog on the Weight Watchers site on March 22.

focus

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Last night I went to a kickoff meeting for my triathlon club. For the first time they brought in a keynote speaker, Brad Cooper, the founder of US Corporate Wellness. Presenting is his job and he's very good at it. All his topics were relevant to pushing yourself to be a little better every day, which can be applied to any area of your life. But one thing he said really stood out for me - that focusing on just one thing when you are feeling like "you're done" will get you through all the rest, and you will probably come out better than you expected.

He used an example of a long bike ride he went on with his teenage daughter, and they got lost. They were out of food and water and really far from where they started. His daughter was exhausted and upset, and suddenly his focus went from "This is a bad situation. I'm running out of energy and have no food to help... How did we get here and what are we going to do to get out of this mess?" to "How do I help Danielle? Danielle... Danielle... I have to keep riding really fast and get to the car so I can help Danielle." Focusing on just one thing, Danielle, took care of all the rest. He didn't worry about water, about his energy level, about how far he had to ride. He said that our brains use a lot of energy, and by drowning out all the other noise and fixating on one important thing, you'll find your way through.

There are so many components to weight loss. Sure it's eat less and move more, but it's also curbing cravings, measuring food, planning exercise and actually DOING it, navigating parties, dealing with business dinners or food-pushing friends and relatives, getting your water and your fruits and veggies in, setting up healthy spaces, finding the time for your family... It really is a lot! Regarding my own weight loss, lately I've been standing in what I call The Field, and I've been trying to manage the entire field, but after that talk last night I realize that perhaps I need to focus on just one aspect. Pick the flowers, or the water, or the mountain, whatever - don't manage the whole thing, but FOCUS on the one thing you need to be successful.

That one thing is my nutrition. On some level I am pretty well dialed in to this. I have built habits that are good enough to keep me at my same weight, if I can't think too much about what I'm eating. But I have made "can't think about it" a habit itself, and that's an integral part (maybe the integral part, for me) of managing The Field. I have not been tracking. I have not been planning. I have been drinking alcohol more often. Yes I've been able to maintain my weight loss, but I'm not at my goal and if I want to get there, good nutrition is the thing I need to focus on and let everything else in The Field fade away for a bit. Healthy food... pick healthy food... eat healthy food... plan for healthy food... healthiest food on the menu.... buy healthy food... healthy food healthy food HEALTHY FOOD.

Like I said my eating habits are pretty good. I know what healthy food is - lean proteins, eggs, veggies, fruit, nuts, yogurt. I generally choose those foods and I really enjoy eating them. I also know that red wine and dark chocolate can be part of this nutrition plan I make for myself, as long as I enjoy them in moderation. It is so obvious that the thing I need to focus on is HEALTHY FOOD and nothing else... the workouts will fall in, or if they don't, fine, I'm focused on the food, the social situations will not need to be "managed" because I'm already focused on the HEALTHY FOOD. I can give my mind a rest by honing in on the one thing in my Field that is really important. I already have a plan for this ('nother blog). I'm really glad I went to the meeting, and that they had this guy speak.

In other funny coincidences, my WW leader was AT this meeting last night. Apparently she's a new member, just joined the club. Crazy! She has a million WW members so I'm not surprised she didn't recognize me. It's odd for all when worlds collide.