I was thinking last night about how I used to be so much fun and see the positive in everything and now I can't. And then I realized - it's not that I can't, it's that I DON'T. Or more correctly, I choose to focus on the negative and let it consume me and suck all the life out of me.That has happened to me a few times, but only one I can specifically remember myself recognizing it and consciously changing my thoughts about the situation. It was after an abrupt breakup and the surprising onslaught of oppressive heartbreak crushed almost every bit of life out of me. But I saw that. And I changed.
Life Situation is here. It's happening, like it or not. And there are not as many "warm fuzzies" from this situation as I think there should be, which makes me feel worse about it. But maybe there will never be warm fuzzies. Maybe it's OK if I don't have them- I mean, let's drop that judgement there of how I *think* I should be feeling, and just actually feel what I feel and let it be OK, hmmmm? Just because I am not happy about Someone Else's Happy doesn't make me a bad person. I feel ridiculous even writing this, because it's something you say to a child, but it's ok to feel sad, or jealous, or disappointed. These are actual human feelings, and experiencing emotion - the good, the bad and the ugly - is part of the package of our existence. Those feelings will pass.
What is not OK is using Life Situation as an excuse for having a poor attitude, slacking on my goals (both personal and professional) and avoiding experiences because they may not give me the warm fuzzies I think I should be getting. I am guilty of doing all of these these things. I have blamed Life Situation for their occurrence, when the truth is, those are my choices. My bad attitude? My choice. Slacking on my fitness and work goals? My choice. Avoiding experiences that I will likely enjoy but *might* be forced to face negative emotions? My choice. My choice, my choice, my choice.
I'm going to be honest and say I doubt I am ready to do things differently. There is something safe about hiding out in my little cocoon of blaming the outside world for what's going on in here. But I'm *not* happy in here! I'm *not* actually comfortable, I'm just... used to this level of discomfort, and scared about the level of discomfort associated with changing because it's unknown. However, I also know that the end result, after I move through the hard, is going to be a WHOLE LOT MORE COMFORTABLE. So it's time to GET OUT of my uncomfortable comfort zone and CHANGE - ready or not.
Since this particular blog is about me Losing the Last Twenty pounds, that is all I am going to focus on here. So in that regard, these are the things I need to do:
- Consume less sugar. I do not work out enough to burn the calories, so this must go. I don't have to cut it out completely, but I can at the very least limit it to one day a week.
- Consume less alcohol. Not "no alcohol" but lately I have been drinking more. For the same reason I'm cutting back on sugar, I have to cut back on the alcohol. (I really did not want to include this on this list. I'm still sort of in denial about it. Hm.)
- Stay in the healthy zone of eating. I'm not sure that is a "blue dot" - I mean, if I do an hour on the bike it is likely I am going to need to eat those calories back to stay sane and a person that people don't mind having with them in social situations. BUT... I know when I'm way out of bounds. I even know when I am coming close to going out of bounds. I have to STOP myself before I get there. I can do this by remembering my goals. Perhaps I need to repeat them to myself in the bathroom before (or while) I'm in a social situation where I feel challenged.
- Walk Marco 30 minutes every day, unless the weather is unsafe to do so. I love my doggy. He brings me joy. The movement will be good for both of us. Patrick shouldn't have to be the only one to do it.
- Keep up the 2 weights workouts per week. Perhaps research options to mix it up (like use the old Base Workouts spreadsheets, or look into hiring a trainer for 2 months). But even if I stick with what I"m doing, that's still good.
- Actually go to yoga once a week. It doesn't have to be Bikram, but you have to go. Figure it out.
-Continue to track, and track honestly. Even if you are over, track it all.
-Meal prep your lunches every Sunday. Here are some websites:
http://www.eat-yourself-skinny.com/my-weekly-meal-prep-routine/
http://www.skinnytaste.com/the-skinnytaste-meal-planner/
http://www.skinnytaste.com/skinnytaste-dinner-plan-week-2/
Thinking about meal prep, I probably need to invest in some good food containers. Like, glass ones with sturdy tops. Will look...
I have to do it. For me. I'm the only one who can change the way things are for me.
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