Pre-Thanksgiving update

So the scale was not moving for the past few weeks. I am still right where I was when I got back from Europe this summer! I decided to lower my calories on MFP and change up what I was eating and doing for workouts. As of today, the scale looks like it is moving. We shall see on Friday... YES, Friday - the DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING. Maybe for the first time ever I am planning to go to the meeting, even though it's allthewayupnorthnearmyoffice - I want to go. So I will.

I also got some external motivation to keep on keepin' on. DH and I are going to Uruguay in Feb, which means I will be on a South American beach in the middle of their summer. This was JUST the little kick start I needed! I'm back on BFL for training, planning foods are no problem, I am just doing the work.

So that is the update. These have been a hard couple weeks, post-election. I hope people will truly start coming together. Maybe focusing on my own efforts is what helped to pull me through. I can't change the world but I CAN focus on changing ME and making my world better. Now that the holidays are here, I really hope people will just come together and do what they need to do to make the world a better place.

Love.Liz

elections and weight loss

I thought it was hilarious that our local news anchors had been wearing purple on election night, as that represented the mix of voters in Colorado - we're 50-50, but Denver is blue and the most populated, therefore our state swings blue (lately - the state was traditionally red for a long time). In any case, that night the anchors cracked me up with their representation of our population's political views.

I was pretty sure I'd wake up on Tuesday to Hillary Clinton being the president-elect. I was so shocked that the winner - by a landslide (electorally) was DONALD TRUMP! I can't say I was much less worried about the future of the country with him at the head, so I figured Wednesday morning would be rough (for me) either way.

What I was not prepared for was the HATRED I saw - from many dear friends, and on both sides of the fence. The hate. The anger. The gloating. The racist acts and remarks that are happening. The despair that women are still second-class citizens, and minorities are not citizens at all. The vilifying entire swaths of our population based on the way they executed their right to choose in a voting booth. I am hoping the country is just under an election hangover. Truly, and that we can go back to being our nice, different thinking selves after this week. But I was so, so worried all this week that we were such a mean society, and a heartless country without empathy. In some ways, this is true... and yet.

DH and I were folding laundry as I was lamenting our societal woes, and he said "WE are not mean!" He's right. We're not. But then I said "Well, I got really mad at that girl on the trail and yelled in her face (not on purpose, but that is how it happened because I was on a bike) and I feel really badly about that - I AM mean!" And he says... "Well, we're not perfect, either."  I love that man.

This is important. I can take a bad thing I do and FIXATE on it for days. DAYS! This happened four days ago and I was still beating myself up for it. An old trainer of mine told me that I was really hard on myself and that it seemed I liked to find reasons to mentally whip myself. The Texas Night Massacre happened this summer. I'm still not in a place where I can just LOVE ME. But I'm working on it, and I WILL GET THERE.

But enough heavy stuff, how about some fun? So this is my first full week with MyFitnessPal tracking and I lost... 0.6 pounds. I will take it. I did have one night where I went over. The good news is, I took off my grey work dress pants without undoing the buttons or zipper - look at me changing my own life over here!!!

And I'm also going to share what I posted on WWConnect this week... it's kind of the summarized version of all this above. Things are happening, for better or for worse. The only person who can change that or truly affect that, the only person who can make us happy and be in charge of our life and our outcome is us... so let's GO GET IT.

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My post yesterday on Connect:

Isn't this quote the truth!! HELLO, connecty friends! I have been super busy with work and working out and tracking on MyFitnessPal. Oh and elections... WOW my Facebook feed was full of hate (from both sides of the aisle) and I got really disappointed with how mean our society has become. I understand people are frustrated or happy but really... I was very saddened overall by We The People. But maybe people just needed a few days to regroup. I wish everyone behaved like they did here on Connect!! So in very positive news, I just took off my work dress pants without undoing the buttons or zippers. SUPER NSV!!!! Meeting is tomorrow morning, scale should be down but did I mention I REMOVED MY DRESS PANTS WITHOUT UNDOING THE BUTTONS OR ZIPPERS?!?!? 👖🎉 Look at me just changing my own life over here! Truly, all, I am so sorry our country had such a difficult day on Wednesday. Now let's all go out and be the change we want to see. We can change our lives and have a real positive impact on the lives of the people around us... so LET'S DO!

points judgement and compliments

As of the 1st I switched from counting Points to counting calories on MyFitnessPal.  I have stalled out on weight loss. I don't know if I'm not tracking well, if I'm overusing fruit, or what but I'm not losing any weight... so... let's try counting calories for a month and see how that goes. This will give me a sort of level eating method, similar to the BlueDots in WW but with the ability to consume more calories on the days I burn more calories. 

Also, right now I don't need the judgement that comes with Points. While I understand that Weight Watchers is trying to push healthier choices, and that healthier choices are a good thing - I don't like that if I have a 1/2 cup of gelato at 250 calories, WW thinks I need to fork over almost half of my daily points target to do so. I call these "punishment Points" and I know there will be a lot of that with the holidays coming. I want to enjoy cookies responsibly and without WW judgement. I can fit them into my life a lot better - and keep losing weight - if I count calories.

I'm really irritated my weight didn't go down in October. I did stick to the Points, and the plan, even though it wasn't working for the entire month.  Oh well, maybe calorie tracking is what I need. Tracking is tracking, and I will keep tracking.

Just now a coworker said it looks like I've lost inches. Yay! And my grandma noted it looked like I had lost weight. Double yay! Over this past weekend I went to a baby birthday party with a million cute kids and a bunch of trophy-wife moms... and felt... sad for me, for a minute. No kids, no trophy-wife body, either. And then I remembered that DH thinks I am his trophy wife. And we just went on an amazing trip, and it's likely that we'll go on a second amazing trip in February... so move on. 

I also had A Moment where I was very jealous of one trophy wife's abs... and then I realized "No, I'm not there, but I'm working toward it, so be happy that you are in the middle of doing something about it! Stop beating yourself up!" And I stopped.

The judgement is leaving the building. I keep having to push it away, but at least I am helping it along. And that's another reason that counting Points has got to go, right now - I just don't need that judgement in my life.

Let's talk about change

I was thinking last night about how I used to be so much fun and see the positive in everything and now I can't. And then I realized - it's not that I can't, it's that I DON'T. Or more correctly, I choose to focus on the negative and let it consume me and suck all the life out of me.
That has happened to me a few times, but only one I can specifically remember myself recognizing it and consciously changing my thoughts about the situation. It was after an abrupt breakup and the surprising onslaught of oppressive heartbreak crushed almost every bit of life out of me. But I saw that. And I changed.

Life Situation is here. It's happening, like it or not. And there are not as many "warm fuzzies" from this situation as I think there should be, which makes me feel worse about it. But maybe there will never be warm fuzzies. Maybe it's OK if I don't have them- I mean, let's drop that judgement there of how I *think* I should be feeling, and just actually feel what I feel and let it be OK, hmmmm? Just because I am not happy about Someone Else's Happy doesn't make me a bad person. I feel ridiculous even writing this, because it's something you say to a child, but it's ok to feel sad, or jealous, or disappointed. These are actual human feelings, and experiencing emotion - the good, the bad and the ugly - is part of the package of our existence. Those feelings will pass.

What is not OK is using Life Situation as an excuse for having a poor attitude, slacking on my goals (both personal and professional) and avoiding experiences because they may not give me the warm fuzzies I think I should be getting. I am guilty of doing all of these these things. I have blamed Life Situation for their occurrence, when the truth is, those are my choices. My bad attitude? My choice. Slacking on my fitness and work goals? My choice. Avoiding experiences that I will likely enjoy but *might* be forced to face negative emotions? My choice. My choice, my choice, my choice.

I'm going to be honest and say I doubt I am ready to do things differently. There is something safe about hiding out in my little cocoon of blaming the outside world for what's going on in here. But I'm *not* happy in here! I'm *not* actually comfortable, I'm just... used to this level of discomfort, and scared about the level of discomfort associated with changing because it's unknown. However, I also know that the end result, after I move through the hard, is going to be a WHOLE LOT MORE COMFORTABLE. So it's time to GET OUT of my uncomfortable comfort zone and CHANGE - ready or not.

Since this particular blog is about me Losing the Last Twenty pounds, that is all I am going to focus on here. So in that regard, these are the things I need to do:

- Consume less sugar. I do not work out enough to burn the calories, so this must go. I don't have to cut it out completely, but I can at the very least limit it to one day a week.
- Consume less alcohol. Not "no alcohol" but lately I have been drinking more. For the same reason I'm cutting back on sugar, I have to cut back on the alcohol. (I really did not want to include this on this list. I'm still sort of in denial about it. Hm.)
- Stay in the healthy zone of eating. I'm not sure that is a "blue dot" - I mean, if I do an hour on the bike it is likely I am going to need to eat those calories back to stay sane and a person that people don't mind having with them in social situations. BUT... I know when I'm way out of bounds. I even know when I am coming close to going out of bounds. I have to STOP myself before I get there. I can do this by remembering my goals. Perhaps I need to repeat them to myself in the bathroom before (or while) I'm in a social situation where I feel challenged.
- Walk Marco 30 minutes every day, unless the weather is unsafe to do so. I love my doggy. He brings me joy. The movement will be good for both of us. Patrick shouldn't have to be the only one to do it.
- Keep up the 2 weights workouts per week. Perhaps research options to mix it up (like use the old Base Workouts spreadsheets, or look into hiring a trainer for 2 months). But even if I stick with what I"m doing, that's still good.
- Actually go to yoga once a week. It doesn't have to be Bikram, but you have to go. Figure it out.
-Continue to track, and track honestly. Even if you are over, track it all.
-Meal prep your lunches every Sunday. Here are some websites:

http://www.eat-yourself-skinny.com/my-weekly-meal-prep-routine/

http://www.skinnytaste.com/the-skinnytaste-meal-planner/

http://www.skinnytaste.com/skinnytaste-dinner-plan-week-2/

Thinking about meal prep, I probably need to invest in some good food containers. Like, glass ones with sturdy tops. Will look...

I have to do it. For me. I'm the only one who can change the way things are for me.

What Would You Say

I surrender. I am laying down my arms and waving my open, empty hands high over my head. I am looking directly at you, You, so you know I mean it when I say I want peace between us. Because I love You.

You are the Me with fifty extra pounds on your frame. The Me that decided to go for it, to make a change, to struggle through opposition and make the changes stick. To work, relentlessly, toward the goal of a healthier body which would carry your soul – my soul – Our soul. You chose to make the investment of your time, your effort, your sweat… and You made so many sacrifices for Us. How can I feel anything other than gratitude and love for You?

And to Me, I also declare a truce. No more war, Me. No more blame for not getting to Her more quickly.  No more shame for remaining who You have become. Because right now, Me, you are awesome. You can ride your bike on every paved road in Arches National Park. You can walk a half marathon or more if you had to, and do it up or down a mountain. You are a great friend to great people. You are a wonderful wife, sister and doggy mom.  And you even do this while paying your bills on time, planning the home renovation and the spectacular vacations and working to keep yourself and your family healthy. Nothing but love, Me – I have nothing but love for you and the great hope we will enjoy peace between Us forever.

As for Her – we haven’t met yet, but know that You and Me are coming and We have been looking forward to meeting you for a very long time. Once we get there, help You and Me remember that We were just lost for a long time and didn’t know how to help ourselves. Once We get to you, Her, help us stay with you. We know you will take Us on lots of physical challenges and We will share many accomplishments but please don’t let You and Me forget that it’s not just Her that can do those things – it is We, and You and Me CHOSE to take on the effort to create the strong, healthy vessel for all of our souls. We are all each other.

No more war. Only peace between Us, for ever and ever. 

tired

I had a great birthday week. I did a lot of planning to stay within my points and save up for my actual birthday. I tracked and worked out and stuck to the plan. I went to the meeting ON my birthday, because I knew the day after (my normal meeting day) I'd be up from salt / sugar... well, the scale was stuck at the same place it has been for 2 weeks now. I haven't hit a plateau like this in a long time. Maybe next week will show a big loss.

I feel I am doing everything right and I'm happy to give myself the gift of good health. BUT... seeing the same number was extra disappointing on my birthday. I do know it's not about the number (totally applies to age, too!) but still. Speaking of age, an old friend saw me and wondered how it was possible to look younger. What a nice compliment! I feel good. I look healthy, even if I have a few extra pounds. But I am tired. I'm not getting enough sleep, I have a few work projects going on and they're just slipping lately. And things are really starting to seem overwhelming, so I think it's important for me to kind of relax and figure out what really needs to be done in the near future.

My birthday was really wonderful. This is the point where some sort of reconciliation is beginning, or ending, or whatever - it's different for everyone, and for me I feel I am at the end of it. The last half of my thirties were spent wrestling with what God gave me. It's only in the last year that I've come to accept it and enjoy the blessings for what they are. There are so many blessings.

Happy Friday, friends.

because you will talk yourself out of it

These days, I make a plan and stick to the plan. I have to, because as a Totally Mindless Eater, I will just go right back up the scale. During a meeting a few months back, someone told me these wise words:"Don't think about it, just do it." 

TRUTH! Everything related to weight loss is really not something you need to think about, it's just something you need to do. If I think about it, I will talk myself into or out of whatever I'm thinking about. So I just make my plan, and when I am halfway through my day and going "Hm, should I actually do this?" I stop myself, remind myself of the plan and just do it.

Today I went and erged at lunch, pulled 6K in 28:22 doing minute on, minute off. It was HARD and I was TIRED and I totally did not want to do it, but I did it. Helps that a project deadline got pushed back, too.

I also decided to take some time for me and sign up for a writer's workshop, it starts tonight. And I have planned to be able to enjoy a slice of the green chile apple pie that Mr. Blueberry Pancakes and I made last night. YUM.

Off to go DO!