"You're looking thin!" - 176.2

Words from another coworker today. I'm not sleeping well and am super worried about work, perhaps that is what is burning all the extra calories I've been eating! But hey, it was a compliment and an acknowledgement of my effort, so I'll take it. :)

Speaking of effort - some days I'm so on about it, weight-loss wise. I do really well and if I slip, I sort of just brush it off and make the next decision a good one. But there are times when, without warning, I slip up and then get that "YOU ARE NOT PERFECT AND THEREFORE YOU SUCK -  ENTIRELY - IN EVERY AREA OF YOUR LIFE" voice in my head... man, perfection really is the enemy of progress. Sometimes it's easy to just admonish that little voice, and other times I need several pieces of chocolate or glasses of wine to do it. This week was the latter.

The good news is, this week showed a 3 pound loss (following my really bizarre 5 pound gain from last week). So, I'm moving in the right direction again, and even if progress is slow, it's progress and others are noticing. Go, me.

Other good things this week - did my first session with a new trainer, it was just an assessment, really. I actually got up super early TWICE this week to workout - both on snowy mornings, yea, me! My next trainer session is Monday. This weekend weights and a yoga session are in store. I am really looking forward to staying in tonight and enjoying the crockpot chicken I have waiting at home.

Happy Friday, friends!

+5.4 happened REALLY quickly... 179.4

Up five pounds in a week! I'd like to say it's not "real" weight... because, you know, I was sick, I had pizza *and* chili yesterday, etc... but the truth is, today my relationship with gravity is 5.4 pounds more than it was last week. So be it.

The good news is, I'm sort of on track again, working out like I do, drinking water, eating healthy food. I did have some extra sugar yesterday, and some extra wine... baby steps, though. I think I'm planning for a sugar-free January. Uruguay is in a MONTH and I want to be ready!

One of the trainers from Base reached out for a 3-session special, I am going to sign up. This will turn into more sessions, but I think I will just use the sessions to get myself to goal - where I am happy with how I look, how I feel, how clothes fit, etc. I am almost there, I really am.

If I were to quantify my goal, it would be that I want to carry less weight around during runs, races, skiing, etc. I think 155 is a good amount, given my height. I want to fit into normal size 10s or smaller, so I can shop in the trendy sections and fit into the clothes there and not worry about it. I want less fat around my midsection - I know you can't spot reduce, but that's where most of my extra fat is stored, so reducing overall fat will reduce that area, too. Truly, I'm ok with the way I look, just want to reduce fat... so yes, one of the things I will do with the new trainer is measure my body fat.

In 2017 I plan to do an Olympic triathlon, the MS150 ride, the Gourmet Classic ride and a sprint tri here and there. I need to find one in July and another in September. Austin half would be a fun 40th birthday thing, too...

One other thing - I am so grateful for this difficult year. Despite the challenges, I had a lot of fun, my bills are all paid, I get to travel, see my family, contribute at work, be a good friend, a good wife, a good dober-mom... I am very blessed. Not every day was perfect, I didn't handle everything as well as I wanted to, but I did learn a lot and I definitely improved personally and professionally over the course of the year. For that, I am truly grateful.

Alright, work is calling. Happy last Friday of 2016, friends.

Christmas is coming! - 174.0

My mindset is changing. I have managed to lose a pound this month. I have been working, but I have also been eating Christmas cookies and pizzelles, drinking a lot of champagne, etc. So I'm pretty darn happy with my one-pound-in-one-month loss here for December. Turtle club!

The last couple weeks were particularly stressful. I had a health scare, a project deadline, Doggy Love swallowed another sock, got another surprising negative annual review, house construction issues, trying to meet up with friends and get ready to go to PHL... it's been a lot. Luckily, all has been resolved for the most part.

Health is good, in fact, my doc said my weight was perfect and I don't need to do anything about it!

My work - annual review was, well, surprising, but I talked with my boss's boss, it wasn't a great conversation but we're going to do this through Employee Relations, so I'll have a third party present. GOOD. The guy gives me no indication I'm under-performing, the last feedback I got from him was a REWARD for doing so well with our group process, then slams me with "Does Not Meet Expectations" on my review. His boss set up the first meeting with Employee Relations. I hate that it has to be this way, but I see no other option. Work deadline was met, despite doggy and the sock. By the way - hydrogen peroxide can expire! We gave Doggy the max amount of peroxide and no throw up. :( Eventually at 3AM he threw it up. Ick. I felt bad for DH, as it was HIS sock, and then I was dramatic about it and made him feel worse... which made me just sick to my stomach as well. Great night at our house. But, it worked out, thank GOD!

And then the house is under construction and everyone has invited us to parties and we're leaving for Philadelphia - we are so, SO lucky to be so loved. But I'm exhausted. Looking forward to doing a lot of nothing and catching up on my sleep!! So with all of this, like I said, I'm happy to be maintaining and slightly losing. A lady at work just told me I look like a million bucks these days, I guess the weights are paying off.

So, with that, I'm off to finish up work stuff so I can get ready for Christmas in PHL. Merry Christmas, everyone, it really is the MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!

grief - 175.0

I'm angry I can't have a slice of pie every night and not lose weight. I know this should be no surprise, but I figured if I track it, I can plan for it and have it, right?

Well the scale says.... WRONG! :(

Of course, I also had extra Thanksgiving leftovers every day this week, and while I tracked all those, did I *really* know how much I was having, or how many calories they really contained? Probably not. Which leads me to my grief... of which, I'm in the anger stage. I was bargaining last week, now I'm angry. Why can't I have that stuff? Why can't I partake in leftovers, is this how the rest of my life is going to look? I have to just give it up for good and get used to the idea that after Thanksgiving Day, no more yummy foods - toss them or don't take home leftovers? WaaaAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

This too shall pass, I know. But for today, after my 0.2lb gain on this post-Thanksgiving week, I am mad. And pouty. I know I will get to acceptance, but not today.

On the other hand, it's a new week with a new chance to lose another pound. Less sugar. Fewer meals I can't be sure of the calorie content. Planning. Tracking. Continued workouts. I have been doing GREAT with my workouts! BFL weights 3x per week and a sweaty workout at least 2x per week. Go, me!

Today is my dad's birthday. He would be 84. He's been gone almost 10 years. The one thing I know about grief is that it really does get easier with time (though I'm not sure it ever 'turns' to joy, you just are just able to once again enjoy experiencing other joys). I guess 10 Decembers from now, I won't be terribly lamenting the absence of my post-Thanksgiving week leftovers. But right now, I'm having a hard time accepting that this is my new reality. Le sigh.

Happy December, friends. Here's to experiencing the grief of letting go of our favorite holiday foods. (Gosh that sounds bad!)

Love.Liz

Pre-Thanksgiving update

So the scale was not moving for the past few weeks. I am still right where I was when I got back from Europe this summer! I decided to lower my calories on MFP and change up what I was eating and doing for workouts. As of today, the scale looks like it is moving. We shall see on Friday... YES, Friday - the DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING. Maybe for the first time ever I am planning to go to the meeting, even though it's allthewayupnorthnearmyoffice - I want to go. So I will.

I also got some external motivation to keep on keepin' on. DH and I are going to Uruguay in Feb, which means I will be on a South American beach in the middle of their summer. This was JUST the little kick start I needed! I'm back on BFL for training, planning foods are no problem, I am just doing the work.

So that is the update. These have been a hard couple weeks, post-election. I hope people will truly start coming together. Maybe focusing on my own efforts is what helped to pull me through. I can't change the world but I CAN focus on changing ME and making my world better. Now that the holidays are here, I really hope people will just come together and do what they need to do to make the world a better place.

Love.Liz

elections and weight loss

I thought it was hilarious that our local news anchors had been wearing purple on election night, as that represented the mix of voters in Colorado - we're 50-50, but Denver is blue and the most populated, therefore our state swings blue (lately - the state was traditionally red for a long time). In any case, that night the anchors cracked me up with their representation of our population's political views.

I was pretty sure I'd wake up on Tuesday to Hillary Clinton being the president-elect. I was so shocked that the winner - by a landslide (electorally) was DONALD TRUMP! I can't say I was much less worried about the future of the country with him at the head, so I figured Wednesday morning would be rough (for me) either way.

What I was not prepared for was the HATRED I saw - from many dear friends, and on both sides of the fence. The hate. The anger. The gloating. The racist acts and remarks that are happening. The despair that women are still second-class citizens, and minorities are not citizens at all. The vilifying entire swaths of our population based on the way they executed their right to choose in a voting booth. I am hoping the country is just under an election hangover. Truly, and that we can go back to being our nice, different thinking selves after this week. But I was so, so worried all this week that we were such a mean society, and a heartless country without empathy. In some ways, this is true... and yet.

DH and I were folding laundry as I was lamenting our societal woes, and he said "WE are not mean!" He's right. We're not. But then I said "Well, I got really mad at that girl on the trail and yelled in her face (not on purpose, but that is how it happened because I was on a bike) and I feel really badly about that - I AM mean!" And he says... "Well, we're not perfect, either."  I love that man.

This is important. I can take a bad thing I do and FIXATE on it for days. DAYS! This happened four days ago and I was still beating myself up for it. An old trainer of mine told me that I was really hard on myself and that it seemed I liked to find reasons to mentally whip myself. The Texas Night Massacre happened this summer. I'm still not in a place where I can just LOVE ME. But I'm working on it, and I WILL GET THERE.

But enough heavy stuff, how about some fun? So this is my first full week with MyFitnessPal tracking and I lost... 0.6 pounds. I will take it. I did have one night where I went over. The good news is, I took off my grey work dress pants without undoing the buttons or zipper - look at me changing my own life over here!!!

And I'm also going to share what I posted on WWConnect this week... it's kind of the summarized version of all this above. Things are happening, for better or for worse. The only person who can change that or truly affect that, the only person who can make us happy and be in charge of our life and our outcome is us... so let's GO GET IT.

---

My post yesterday on Connect:

Isn't this quote the truth!! HELLO, connecty friends! I have been super busy with work and working out and tracking on MyFitnessPal. Oh and elections... WOW my Facebook feed was full of hate (from both sides of the aisle) and I got really disappointed with how mean our society has become. I understand people are frustrated or happy but really... I was very saddened overall by We The People. But maybe people just needed a few days to regroup. I wish everyone behaved like they did here on Connect!! So in very positive news, I just took off my work dress pants without undoing the buttons or zippers. SUPER NSV!!!! Meeting is tomorrow morning, scale should be down but did I mention I REMOVED MY DRESS PANTS WITHOUT UNDOING THE BUTTONS OR ZIPPERS?!?!? 👖🎉 Look at me just changing my own life over here! Truly, all, I am so sorry our country had such a difficult day on Wednesday. Now let's all go out and be the change we want to see. We can change our lives and have a real positive impact on the lives of the people around us... so LET'S DO!

points judgement and compliments

As of the 1st I switched from counting Points to counting calories on MyFitnessPal.  I have stalled out on weight loss. I don't know if I'm not tracking well, if I'm overusing fruit, or what but I'm not losing any weight... so... let's try counting calories for a month and see how that goes. This will give me a sort of level eating method, similar to the BlueDots in WW but with the ability to consume more calories on the days I burn more calories. 

Also, right now I don't need the judgement that comes with Points. While I understand that Weight Watchers is trying to push healthier choices, and that healthier choices are a good thing - I don't like that if I have a 1/2 cup of gelato at 250 calories, WW thinks I need to fork over almost half of my daily points target to do so. I call these "punishment Points" and I know there will be a lot of that with the holidays coming. I want to enjoy cookies responsibly and without WW judgement. I can fit them into my life a lot better - and keep losing weight - if I count calories.

I'm really irritated my weight didn't go down in October. I did stick to the Points, and the plan, even though it wasn't working for the entire month.  Oh well, maybe calorie tracking is what I need. Tracking is tracking, and I will keep tracking.

Just now a coworker said it looks like I've lost inches. Yay! And my grandma noted it looked like I had lost weight. Double yay! Over this past weekend I went to a baby birthday party with a million cute kids and a bunch of trophy-wife moms... and felt... sad for me, for a minute. No kids, no trophy-wife body, either. And then I remembered that DH thinks I am his trophy wife. And we just went on an amazing trip, and it's likely that we'll go on a second amazing trip in February... so move on. 

I also had A Moment where I was very jealous of one trophy wife's abs... and then I realized "No, I'm not there, but I'm working toward it, so be happy that you are in the middle of doing something about it! Stop beating yourself up!" And I stopped.

The judgement is leaving the building. I keep having to push it away, but at least I am helping it along. And that's another reason that counting Points has got to go, right now - I just don't need that judgement in my life.