April 6 looks like this

B: egg, kiwi, 1 oz. brie, coffee with 1% milk

S: orange, 12 almonds, coffee with half-and-half

L: spaghetti squash, tomato sauce, 1/2 cup quinoa, 1/2 an avocado

S: dark chocolate square, 6 almonds, coffee with half-and-half

D: crock pot chicken, crock pot veggies (carrots and potatoes), romaine salad with tomatoes, carrots, onion, olive oil and balsamic vinegar

S: added air-popped popcorn, 2 mini Babybel light cheeses, a cup of grapes and a plum

E: 30 min walk at lunch, 30 min walk with the dog.

Will probably have chocolate chips again tonight. Might bake a Dr. Bird loaf, one for us, one for new neighbors, tonight... Did have a Lindt dark chocolate truffle and 2Tbsp chocolate chips. Then I looked and ONE tbsp choc. chips is 80 calories!! 

Daily Motivation: I'm aiming to be more lean before the end of April. 

April 5 looks like this

Oatmeal with PB and 1/2 tsp honey for breakfast

An orange and coffee with half-and-half for a snack

Spaghetti squash and 1/2 cup quinoa with tomato sauce, plus 1 cup roasted broccoli for lunch

A plum and 12 almonds for a snack

A one-hour spin class (hard)

Cheese ravioli (one serving) with tomato sauce and spaghetti squash, possibly a salad for dinner

Probably some dark chocolate chips after dinner. I'll measure them out and update.

Probably walking the dober love for a mile tonight.

Daily Motivation: I am worth the hard work!!

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How it went: as above. and add 1 oz. brie and 5 olives before dinner, then 1TBSP peanut butter with 1TBSP white chocolate chips, 2TBSP dark chocolate chips after dinner.

Spin was hard, despite having a different instructor. 

same place

Twenty pounds away from my "number". For a while, a long while, I was like 6 pounds away (and really, that was good enough for me) but now I'm at least 10 pounds away from being 6 pounds away from my number, if that makes sense. Essentially I'm 10-15 pounds from being comfortable with, well, everything. Here's what I think of where I am right now:

- My black work pants are tight. I don't even fit into my red pants. I'd rather NOT buy new clothes.
- I look "squishy" in photos and in the mirror; I am definitely not lean.
- My knees hurt, I'm not running.
- Summer is coming and I'm worried about how I'll look in tank tops and shorts.
- Why am I still here? How come I haven't been able to just get it together and lose the weight? I mean, it was well over a year ago I said I'd do it, that it was "show time" and, well, here I am.

In my defense, in 2015 I did get down to within 6 pounds of my number goal and at that point, I was good - like, TRULY good and no need to lose any more weight. But I didn't stay there because it takes a lot of focus and giving up things I don't want to give up to stay there. But I CAN get there. And as long as there are no major life distractions, I can stay there.

So, what needs to change? Clearly, what I'm eating and drinking. I'm going to have to give things up, if I really want this, and figure out a way to incorporate that into life forever. But what does that look like? It looks like sugar once a week, dark chocolate on the other days. It looks like alcohol only on the weekend. It looks like more protein and veggies, and less pretzels. It looks like cooking good, healthy meals for myself (and DH) rather than eating out and guessing the calories.

From experience I know that I get HERE (this point on the scale where I am right now) when things in life get really difficult. I think I'm OK with that. It's not a good spot but it's not terrible and I can manage my feelings and my emotions and my life without getting above this point. 2014 saw a lot of work (and marriage) issues, which briefly got better in 2015 when I changed jobs but by the end of the year work had deteriorated into a really terrible situation, and the scale number climbed in tandem with the level of turmoil in my life. I spent all winter dealing with things.

Now that it's spring, things in life are getting back to normal which makes me feel like I am ready to spend some time and energy to get myself to a being happier about how I look and feel. This week, that energy will focus on healthy eating, bicycling, weights, and swimming. It's a start.

SHOW TIME

This is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I think I'm about back up to the start, where I need to lose 20 pounds. So here goes, no more excuses or "tomorrow I will" or any of that. It is now SHOW TIME.

Things I Need To Do:

Remove unhealthy foods from fridge and freezer.

Remove unhealthy foods from cabinets.

Make a workout plan for the week every Friday or Saturday. Follow it all week - no excuses, fit it in! Start with weights twice per week, yoga once per week. Any other workouts are BONUS.

Drink a lot of water (you have a new water bottle for this!!)

For now, avoid situations you can't handle well, such as barbecues, tailgating parties, etc. Keep gum with you at all times and USE IT.

Pick one day per week for sugar treat. You can also eat sugar that is HOME MADE (from scratch, not from a box) on a day where you earned enough calories/points to negate it. Keep in mind that just because you CAN do that, doesn't mean you should - look at the whole week.

Keep the drinking to less than 5 drinks per week, stick to wine and beer. Margaritas/Mojitos are sugar treats. You have to earn those.

Shop for healthy produce and prep it and place into containers as soon as you get home.

Ba-BAM! Go get it, Wonder Woman.... and start now, with Happy Hour!!

It's almost Christmas!

And I'm expecting to have lost weight at the end of the holidays.  I've been very actively doing things to improve the state of myself.  I've been working out with weights.  I'm back to yoga.  I'm back to tracking and planning everything I eat.  Mr. T. is giving me weekly one-on-one sessions to get my eating in check, and I'm seeing a counselor to get my head screwed on straight about all the other stuff, which has been a very eye-opening experience.  I've been making cookies and not eating them, nor the batter from which they came!  WHO AM I?

I feel pretty good right now.  None of the stuff I am doing is easy or effortless.  It's hard.  But I think being overweight and being unhappy when I look at myself in the mirror or see pictures of myself is more difficult.  Just my thought.  And honestly, I feel *great* right now. 

Life is overwhelming and wonderful.  It's almost Christmas, I have such a wonderful husband and sweet doggy, excellent friends, a family who loves me, good health and a nice warm house.  I am blessed and so thankful.  There are no words.
 

Day One

I am back at the beginning.  Twenty pounds to go.

I maintained my 10-pound loss through July.  And then work started getting crazy, life started getting crazy, and the number on the scale started going up.

I stopped going to yoga.

I stopped tracking what I was eating.

I did start weight training with a trainer, which helped keep me from going too far up the scale.  I probably gained about 5 pounds in August.  And then soon as the trainer sessions were over (early September) I began to put on more weight.  So here I am, back at the beginning, twenty pounds away from my goal weight.

This is the starting point.  

March, the oven, and almost there

It's March.  MARCH.  I am happy to say I'm over halfway to my 20 pounds... not that I'm sticking to that number, necessarily.  But I have a good 7 to go, I'd say.

I have been doing Bikram Yoga.  This is hot yoga, 90 minutes in a 105 degree room, doing a series of 26 poses.  The series is always the same.  I have to be honest, when my sister said she was doing this, it sounded awful.  The heat.  The sweat.  The routine - I mean, the SAME postures EVERY single time?  But I went and signed up for a month unlimited, because two of my friends did.  And yes, if they jumped off a bridge, I'd probably follow them because I love them and where they go, it must be fun. 

I would not say Bikram yoga is fun, but I was very surprised at how much I liked it - and, after a month unlimited, going at least 4x per week, I *still* like it.  And no class is ever the same - I thought I'd get so bored with the routine, but the truth is that after going almost daily, I still don't know all the postures and when they happen.  And some days I will nail one of them, other days I won't even be able to begin it.  But I will always sweat it out, whatever "it" is, and I will always be happy that I went to the class and hung out in the oven. 

I have gotten a lot of compliments on how I look since starting the yoga.  I don't know if it's because of the yoga, or it's just that the compliments came from people I don't see very often. I haven't really lost much more weight - well, 10 pounds since I started this blog, but I'm tall so it's not very noticeable.  I probably lost only 2 pounds this month of yoga.  Whatever it is, I'll take the compliments.  They definitely help in the Weight Loss Journey - so if you see someone out there who is smaller, call them out!  But since the Bikram has been helpful, at least mentally, I'm signed up for another month and I'm excited about that.

And now I'm off to take a nap.  I haven't been updating as regularly because I have to do it from home, and I am rarely on the computer at home.  But I'm still plugging away.  I'm losing - slowly, but losing.  It is happening, and it is difficult,  but I'm just keepin' on.   Happy March, friends!