January - 175.6

I can't believe the month is almost over. But check this out - I don't need to undo the buttons/zipper anymore to take off or put on my tan dress pants that I have had for, well, forever! Go, me!!! Kinda makes it OK that I'm up a pound this week. Actually, the hell with the scale, I can remove my dress pants without undoing the buttons/zipper. WOOT!

We leave for Uruguay next week and I'm trying to get stuff together and pack, etc. Funny thing is, now all my summer clothes either fit really well or are TOO BIG - AWESOME! I am super excited to go on this trip. It's only 4 days on the beach, and there is a wedding, a bbq and a sightsee day in there, so not much time for lounging... But I need a break and it's going to be a lot of fun, and I really can't wait to go! Today I woke up and realized I'm getting a cold. I DO NOT want to be sick while I'm in Uruguay, so lots of rest, garlic soup, veggies, etc. are on the docket for the weekend. I really need to pack and get things in line for the trip. I do have *SOME* idea what I need to do, but less than a week to do it - OY! Deep breaths, pants are too big, smile.

I am beginning a serious evaluation of whether it is OK for me to stay at my current job, long-term. I think I know the answer, but I plan to go through a book called Designing the Life You Love - while I am gone. That should give me some clarity. I have been perusing what is out there. Not applying, just looking.

And that's that. Yay, big pants and Uruguay trip!

snack attack

After yesterday's post, I went to the store and got a lot of healthy snacks. Dinner was already planned, I didn't have to shop for that, but I also grabbed some veggies we can use for meals the rest of the week. And then I went home and put everything away, and ate a spoonful of peanut butter. And a handful of cheerios. And the last of the Chex mix my friend made. And a Babybel. And some chocolate-covered granola bites. And some more cheerios... and some raisins. And then I got mad at myself as I ate another spoon of peanut butter. And then I stopped and thought "What the heck is happening, here?"

Looking back on the day:

I was hungry before the snack attack. My lunch, 5 hours earlier, consisted only of some broccoli and a bowl of soup. I was low on calories. Solution: better lunches. Or, a better afternoon snack.

I was upset. Having my sister flit in and out on the weekends is stressful. I am still coming to terms with her moving here, I don't like having roommate-type house guests. Solution: next time they are in town I will ask if they can stay with one of their friends or at their own place.

I was stressed - work stress and house construction stress took over my entire week last week. I hate that the house is such a wreck, too. Solution: redirect that stressful energy into doing something constructive to solve the problem - like clean up your resume or work on going through the boxes in the basement. This will be difficult to actually execute... but if I can focus on solving the actual problem, it will help in several ways.

I was unhappy - all these upsets and stress and it being a crappy Monday back to work were definitely not helping my mood. Solution: I knew I was unhappy. I should have sat with the feeling, let it happen, and let it pass. Sadness is part of life. Perhaps next time if I feel I can't 'sit with the feeling' I can phone a friend or family member and talk it out so that I can move on. I felt a lot better after talking with Mr. Blueberry Pancakes.

I really wish I hadn't wrecked myself yesterday, but no sense lamenting the past - just learn from it. Today things are better - my mood has not improved much, but I am back on track and I have the night planned out. I won't pretend I'm not worried about another snack attack but I do have a plan, an end goal, and a little more awareness and understanding to help me through this evening.

I can do this... by changing one little mindset at a time....

what are you willing to change

All that extra weight from Christmas cookies and champagne is gone now, so that's good. I really am ok with putting on five pounds in a week, then working to take them off over the next two weeks. That is something I can live with forever.

I've started to assess what I can change - really change for good - in order to get to goal. I've started running again (once a week) but I eat back the calories; that needs to change. I am hungry a lot more often, so want to give up snacks... but then, I think I just need to make sure I have healthy snack options around the house/office at all times. I also should cut back on sugar unless it is a really special occasion. Not give it up totally, but no need to grab the Starbursts or other candies in the office 'just because.' Be mindful.

I think "don't eat back the calories" is the biggest change to be made. And the healthy snacks thing is a close second. Off the top of my head, here is a list of snacks I could keep around:

- almonds
- fruit (apples, bananas)
- PB2
- chopped veggies and hummus
- roasted veggies - beets, sweet potatoes, broccoli
- light cheese

The problem is I love the unhealthy snacks - candy, pretzels, chex mix, etc and if I have it around, I want to eat it. Though perhaps it is the absence of healthy snacks which may be the real problem.

So, I will change my snacks, and work toward not eating back all of the calories. Or maybe just freaking DECIDE not to eat back the calories! Happy Monday....

just a reminder - 171.8

Things at work are rough... however... they may be getting better, and I am now getting paid to learn how to make and edit little movies, so that's cool. But I still work for Mr. Blame Game. Actually, now that I know what I am really dealing with as far as he's concerned, I can manage it. The whole situation kind of has me down, but then... I'm awesome. I know this. So I found this cool photo on the interwebs and sent it to myself as a reminder.

In other news, we have house stress, trip stress, money stress going on, but it's all OK. At the end of the day the bills will all be paid, I'll learn something new at work, I'll have time to hang out with my Doggy Love and my friends and life is overall very good - I feel blessed.

I had a dream I took my nephew out and he wanted PB and banana sandwiches. We had such a good time! I want that dream to happen in real life. :)

Back to real life, this week I started working with a trainer, a new guy at Base. Well, new to me, perhaps he's been there awhile. Workout was harder than I'd do on my own, for sure, but not too bad. I was very surprised that I burned 272 calories in the 45 minutes. I signed up for 12 sessions, 2x per week for the next 6 weeks (well, 7, because I'll be out of town one of those weeks). Also ordered a new swimsuit for myself, yippee!

My weight this morning - measured on my own bathroom scale with PJs on - is way down. This is interesting, considering today is also day one AF. I'll take it. On my way in to work I was thinking it would be so great to be down in the 160's before I left for South America. But again, that's just a number. :)

Happy Wednesday, friends.

"You're looking thin!" - 176.2

Words from another coworker today. I'm not sleeping well and am super worried about work, perhaps that is what is burning all the extra calories I've been eating! But hey, it was a compliment and an acknowledgement of my effort, so I'll take it. :)

Speaking of effort - some days I'm so on about it, weight-loss wise. I do really well and if I slip, I sort of just brush it off and make the next decision a good one. But there are times when, without warning, I slip up and then get that "YOU ARE NOT PERFECT AND THEREFORE YOU SUCK -  ENTIRELY - IN EVERY AREA OF YOUR LIFE" voice in my head... man, perfection really is the enemy of progress. Sometimes it's easy to just admonish that little voice, and other times I need several pieces of chocolate or glasses of wine to do it. This week was the latter.

The good news is, this week showed a 3 pound loss (following my really bizarre 5 pound gain from last week). So, I'm moving in the right direction again, and even if progress is slow, it's progress and others are noticing. Go, me.

Other good things this week - did my first session with a new trainer, it was just an assessment, really. I actually got up super early TWICE this week to workout - both on snowy mornings, yea, me! My next trainer session is Monday. This weekend weights and a yoga session are in store. I am really looking forward to staying in tonight and enjoying the crockpot chicken I have waiting at home.

Happy Friday, friends!