setting myself straight...

I guess the fact that I don’t want to put this in any type of writing is a testament to how much it affects me. I feel really badly about how I ate yesterday - Labor Day. Basically I ate well until I ate a piece of pie (which was amazing) and then I ate more off-plan food after that. Today I’m back on track. But I’m still mad at myself for yesterday.

It does absolutely NO GOOD to lament my poor choice or the fact that I faltered from my plans, yet here I am doing just that.

What I wish for myself is that I could see that even though yesterday did not go exactly to plan, it was, actually, PROGRESS. I had – *A* slice of pie. One. With a tbsp. of ice cream on the side. I didn’t have seconds. I didn’t eat pie and a brownie and a cookie. This is TRULY progressive!  I think my plan going into the bbqs – which included skipping sugar entirely – was not realistic. Perhaps “enjoy sugar only if it is a HOMEMADE DESSERT” should have been part of the plan. I now know that for next time. I can see that right now, just as I type this out. I could not see it last night. And then after I got home, down in the trenches, rather than analyze what I was doing to myself I ended up having another drink, some nuts, a square of chocolate, bites of gelato, and a slice of bread with butter before I finally put myself to bed.

This morning I got up and did my weights workout at Base, ate a healthy breakfast and packed a healthy lunch and snacks for the day.  I also planned to eat a healthy dinner, so I really am on track.  Which means there must be no more beating myself up over yesterday because I have MOVED ON and I MADE THE NEXT DECISION A GOOD ONE.

Pretty sure Frau Cutesy approves of this plan.

setting intentions - 10 weeks until GOAL

This weekend I went back to Bikram yoga. I missed the free yoga at 24hr and was determined to clear my mind... I knew there was a sale on the Bikram packages at the studio near my house, so I went and I bought a package, and of course did a class! I FORGOT how HOT and HARD that 90 minutes is! But I did it all, was happy with it for the most part, and felt great afterward.

Usually during a class I set an intention. Sunday, my intention was to reconnect myself to my goals as far as weight loss is concerned. I feel great these days, and am 99% happy with how I look. But I still have a ride to do in October that has a Big Scary Hill - it will be easier to get up if I am lighter. And I still want to really love how I look in my Munich Oktoberfest pics and my sister's wedding pics - I LIKE how I look right now for sure, I just want to... LOVE it. Thinking about those things connected me to my whys for weight loss. Intention set an intention MET.

And then I thought about my intentions some more... I have 10 sessions (9 after Sunday). There are 10 weeks until I leave for Munich. I want to be at Weight Watchers' goal weight (164) before I go. I can use this yoga class to help me get there. And so, just like that, I set my intention for 10 weeks and I will be mindful and I'm just going to do it. 

Love.Liz 

what I CAN do...

I am having a hard time these past two weeks, with everything in life, not just with losing the weight. These two work projects are sort of killing me. One is completely done and released, the other releases on Monday and I am not ready, am overwhelmed and totally should have just pushed the deadline when that guy was sick. :( But I didn't, so here it is another Saturday in July, and I'm spending it working. This is... not ok. But I am trying to make my peace with it.

The reality is, I got myself into this position and I'm really mad at myself for it - which, ok I can acknowlege it's ok to be mad at myself, but then I have been mean to myself because of it and that is NOT ok. So this is where I need to refocus and realize that I am doing the best I can, and now that I know how the end of a course creation goes, I know how I can schedule them in the future.

In the past 2 weeks, my workouts have dropped off and my calorie consumption has gone up. I don't know what I weigh this morning, but WW weight yesterday was 172.7 - UP. Remember in the last post I wrote how I said when I got 90 minutes to myself, I wanted to evaluate what I was doing? Ha. Well, I don't have 90 minutes. But I was thinking I needed to lower my calories, since I wasn't losing weight. So I did that. And then, just for funsies, I ran a report on net calories over the past 90 days on MyFitnessPal:

Well lookee there, looks like I have several days over that red line (Daily Goal) lately. No, I don't need to lower my calorie setting in MFP, I just need to stick to my plans. And in order to stick to my plans, I have to make some plans to follow, and also be sure to have the good foods on hand. That stuff has all gone out the window lately. The result? A cluttered mind (with worry over my food/exercise fall-off), my scale weight trending upward, me doing a GREAT JOB at my actual job (go, me!) but letting my health and wellness fall behind (NOT go, me - that is BOO, me.) I really like the feedback MyFitnessPal provides, I mean, I thought I'd been over a few days here and there, but this shows that I'm over that line a LOT of days. Time to get back at it.

I am going to just do what I can until Monday as far as work goes. I have two fun events tonight. I am going to take tomorrow off working and start getting my house together for real. September will be here QUICKLY. 

No more beating myself up. I really am doing the best I can. 

sweet Jesus, it's working!

Pardon my absence, the network I usually use had some kind of hiccup connecting to Blogger, so I've been away. So much has happened!

First, the scale has not moved, pretty much at all. I was 169.2 the morning of the BikeMS ride (Day 1). I am pretty sure that at the end of Day 2, I was up 6 pounds. No joke, that ride is so well supported and full of food that it's probably the ONLY time you can ride for 130+ miles and GAIN WEIGHT. :) But seriously... 

Bike MS was AWESOME. I had set a goal to be able to ride both days having a great time pedalling with my friends, covering those miles of rolling hills to Fort Collins and back "like they were nothing." Well, after 110 miles on a bike, if the last 20 are a steady uphill, it's gonna be SOMETHING. But other than that end stretch (ALL of us were miserable) I met my goal. I rode with some very strong riders and was able to keep up with them and keep a conversation going the entire time. And the CONVERSATIONS!!! I would not trade them for anything! I got closer to my husband and three of our friends on that ride. This pic is DH and I crossing the finish line on Day 1.

Some of the team members from last year returned, and one guy was shocked at how much weight I had lost. He said that my jersey was just hanging off me this year. I was happy he noticed, but I got totally tongue-tied about how to explain it or talk about it or even acknowledge it, really. I felt silly. I still don't know how best to respond in those situations. In any case, the funny thing about the jersey was that I had actually exchanged my jersey from last year for a smaller one. I thought the new jersey fit me VERY tightly, but my friend in charge of them said it fit me and was actually a little loose. So off I go in what I think is a super skin-tight top, and lo and behold someone else says it's too big! To be honest, I am totally fine with the "bagginess" and I won't be going tighter - goodness, how would I breathe?

So what else... I bought a pair of bike shorts, fancy ones, in a size Large. I wanted a pair of shorts that had a yellow band across the back hips. I walked into TriBella and lo and behold, that's how their Coeur kits were set up this year! So I splurged. I can't believe I'm in a large. 

The past couple weeks since the ride have been a blur of work, visits from friends and in-laws, getting ready for Sister's wedding in September (my dress comes in this week!) and booking a trip to Munich for Oktoberfest!!!! Yes that is right, we're going for our second international trip this year, a birthday present for ME :) :) :) I am so excited. That will happen the week before my SECOND big ride in Santa Fe. Ha, I just realized that both these rides have a focus on the food. So, back to the past couple weeks - I could be doing better, but I am doing my best - TRULY. I am tracking and planning and hitting my workouts. My trainer even cancelled on me on Tuesday this week, I went to the gym and lifted on my own. 

Overall life is good. I am tired. But it's all good. Work, while a pain, is proving to be slightly rewarding these days. I mean, here it is 11PM and I'm up finishing a project (I finished! Blogging came after!) I have two deadlines for work on Monday; I am really hoping I don't have to work this weekend to meet them. If I do, I do. As soon as I have 90 minutes to myself I will look over my tracker and see what I can do to kick the last five-ish pounds of fat to the curb. Summer is generally my best time of year for weight loss. 

Well, I just saw a mouse run around my kitchen, so that will give me nightmares I'm sure. Time to go try for some peaceful slumber anyhow. 

getting control and confidence back

Different things work for different people. For me, when I have gone wayward, here is what I do to get back on track.

1. Track my last three meals and any snacks between them, to the best of my ability. Just track it, no judgement.

2. Plan my next three meals, and go shopping for the ingredients (also shop to stock house with healthy foods - see #4 below).

3. Remove my food triggers from home/work. This means identifying which foods you have a hard time avoiding, or find yourself eating too much of when they are present. I really can't have sliced bread, cookies, candy, cereals, pretzels, chips, raisins/dried fruit, or anything like that around. Typically, I don't buy these things, and DH knows that if he wants it, he'll have to keep it and eat it outside our house. If I do end up with it in the house, I offload it as quickly as I can by asking DH to take it to work, take it to work myself and drop it in the break room for others, take it to a firehouse, food shelter, etc. At work, if there is a candy dish I am unable to avoid or resist, I chew cinnamon or mint gum and put a bag of cuties/halos (those little tangerines) next to it.

4. Stock my house with healthy foods. Here are my go-tos:

• nuts - single serve packs are best, but I'm ok having a big bag, too
• string cheese and mini babybels
• veggies (cut and prep when you bring them in)
•    - cucumbers
•    - celery
•    - baby carrots
•    - bell peppers
• olives
• individual Wholly Guacamole packets
• beef jerky in single-serving packets
• watermelon
• bananas
• eggs
• raw spinach / salad greens
• greek yogurt
• berries
• frozen veggie burgers, turkey burgers, salmon burgers
• frozen broccoli
• frozen chicken breast, cooked (Tyson makes some, or you can make your own - cook it up one day, chop it and freeze for later use or to add to veggie stir-fry, soups, salads, etc.)

5. Make time to plan/work on a weight loss action plan. This is different for everyone.

• I attend Weight Watchers meetings regularly - I get food ideas, talk through things with others who understand, share what has worked, etc. That may not be for you - but I like the interaction. 1/2 hour per week.
• I also create some structured environment for planning my actions for the next week. I set aside 1/2 hour per week (usually right after my WW meeting) to plan out how the upcoming week will look; I loosely write down plans for exercise (AM Weights, PM walk dog, etc.) and what meals might look like. Note any social events or work lunches, things that could trip me up... this really helps, and it also provides grocery store shopping guidelines! This takes me about 1/2 hour per week to do, including making the shopping list. 
• Finally, each night before I go to bed, I take about 10 minutes to plan out my next day's food in my tracker (I have been using myfitnesspal.com). I generally stick to the plan, but if a friend asks me to meet for dinner, I go, and do my best to order something close to what I had planned. 

So I'm pretty much dedicating two hours per week, total, to planning. This is time WELL spent.

6. Follow your plan. If you are having a hard time following it, no mental flogging!! Be kind to yourself as you explore the reasons behind your deviation. Do not say anything to yourself that you would not say to a friend. And if you start realizing you are beating yourself up, gently remind yourself to be nice, and move forward by making the next decision a good one. Adjust your plan, and move on.

And that's it. The first step is the hardest, but then, once you get momentum it's easy to keep it going.

distinct change - 169.8

So when I stared the N2F plans laid out for me, I pretty much dropped 5 pounds without thinking about it. I have basically stalled out there, as far as the scale is concerned. I will own that I consumed a LOT more alcohol in the ATL over Memorial Day weekend, so that definitely had something to do with it. But lately I am realizing that my clothes are all getting loose and I look really frumpy in them. My body makeup is definitely changing, whether or not the number on the scale is.

Here are a few recent highlights:

• I spent an afternoon with some foodie friends, and we went to lunch at a great little pizza place. I didn't order pizza for myself. I had a large salad, and a bite of their pizza. And it was awesome.
• This past weekend DH and I rode up Lookout Mountain, a 2100 foot climb, and went to the pancake breakfast fundraiser at the fire station on top of the mountain. I had two pancakes of the three I was given, the third went to DH.
• I went to a bbq and did not eat all of the things. I DID have a delicious root beer float - it was glorious and I thoroughly enjoyed it. And I moved on.
• I got several "Oh my GOD! You look AMAZING!" compliments and questions about what I was doing. I even said it to myself one morning, looking in the mirror. :)
• My new black work pants from Ann Taylor Loft are kind of big in the waist. I really like these pants and they weren't exactly cheap... so... I will probably need to alter them. I realize this is a good problem to have!
• I went shopping in this adorable clothing boutique. I bought myself $200 worth of new clothes to go with my new body. I haven't spent a lot of money on clothes lately, other than those AT pants, so this felt oddly special. 💖💖💖

So that's how it's going. I am on my bike a lot more. I am sticking to my recommended calories and macros, regardless of how much time I spend on the bike. I still feel great. I still look great. I LOVE the "OMG you look amazing!" comments. Seriously - I can't wait to get more of them in July when I go see friends and family in Florida. But the best part is, for maybe the first time ever, I really feel like I look amazing. I feel amazing. I am happy. I am healthy. I thank God.

it's a new month

So I didn't make it to WW goal weight last month. That's OK, it will happen. Would love to be down 5 pounds before June 24 so that I don't have to carry that with me on my big BikeMS ride... so, working at making that happen. I did drop 2.2 pounds in May, I'll take it! :)

I am really loving the whole "eat more fat and less sugar/carby things" approach to weight loss. I am not hungry. It is not difficult. I still eat sugar and carby things, but a lot less of them. I don't feel deprived. I don't feel hungry - pretty much ever. It's nice. I'll take it. I also look great - skin is great, body composition is coming around. I see it working, even if the scale is not moving quickly, my clothes fit better.

And that's all I have for now. I am just going to keep on keepin' on. Bought another round of training sessions because, well, I need them. They help me stay on track, and I really do need to do this for me. :)