Consistency - 181.2

Quitting my job back in December so that I could take back my health and sanity may seem extreme, but really it was just what had to happen. I recognized that I could not adjust how I wanted my life to look, while remaining in the situation I was in. I was unable to incorporate consistent healthy habits in the midst of that environment, so at the end of the day, I chose me over the money. 

January and February were for decompressing and getting back to a healthy routine. Things I am now doing consistently for my health, both physical and mental:

• Tracking calories with the aim to hit my 50%-30%-20% fat-carb-protein ratio
• Following Caroline Girvin's workouts - Epic Beginner complete, Epic 1 started yesterday
• WW job
• House chores
• Calling my mom just to chat at least twice a week
• Seeing friends at least once a week
• Skiing at least once a week

March is for assessing my view of a good life, beyond just good health, and taking steps that are actually in line with that. Plus, I want to continue and BUILD ON the healthy things I've been doing. 

Things I want to be more consistent about:

• Daily dog walks
• Daily declutter (add something small, like a drawer or a cabinet each day)
• Daily stretch or yoga routine

Lent starts tomorrow. I think I can just incorporate those three bullets above into my days for Lent. In addition, I'd like to cut sugar and alcohol on weekdays. So, how will I do all this? 

• Daily dog walks - these can happen at lunch
• Daily declutter - this can happen in the space between breakfast and lunch. Literally this doesn't have to be more than 15 minutes. I can do a single drawer or a single shelf, or if I'm feeling ambitious, a cabinet or closet (more time, but fine!)
• Daily stretch/yoga - ideally this will follow a workout. But I can also carve out some time every day before breakfast. I need to be waking up a bit earlier anyhow, I can start that tomorrow. Wake up and stretch/sun salutations. 

As for cutting the sugar and alcohol, I'll have substitutes on hand (like fruit and dates for the sugar, and diet ginger ale or kombucha as alcohol subs). That is really just a mindfulness thing. I'll probably keep the Friday night bourbon, and some weekend wine or cocktails, but I can be mindful there, too. Realistically I don't want to eliminate sugar and alcohol completely from my life, (hello, maple syrup on weekend waffles!) but I definitely see the benefits of - and have the desire to practice - moderation around them. 

Getting my head straight about consistency for my health really is key for me. I am on my way, there. None of this is extreme. It's really just what I want to become. So now I go DO.

Happy first day of March. :)

 

real change - 183.6

I quit my 9 to 5. Or my 7 to 9, as the case ended up being. The bottom line is I didn't like what I was doing, and more importantly who I was becoming, and while I did my best to change the situation and set my boundaries, in the end, there was no solution other than to leave. That was a month ago.

So what's next? More focus on my health and wellness. Me. Being a better wife, friend, daughter, mentor, human. Getting at what makes me happy, so I can be filled with joy and gratitude, rather than irritation and despair. This is not an overnight process.

Steps I'm taking, in no particular order: 

• New part time job as a WW Coach. 
• Regular workouts. 
• Decluttering and organizing my house.
• More contact with people I love. 
• Provide support for people I love, who need it.
• Spend more time doing things I love.
• Trusting God to provide what I need, and what my family needs, as he always has.

The last step is clearly the most important.

I have made a promise to myself to be at a healthy weight (*actually* healthy) by my birthday this year. I'm 30 pounds from that mark, today. I am happy that with Covid, I have managed to stay relatively even, my gain is really only 5% of my body weight. But to lose 30 pounds, that is roughly 20% of my body weight. This is a big change, which is also not an overnight process, but is absolutely doable. I did this before, I can do it again. I know what to do, I know I have had success in the past and I know I will do it this time. I don't know how I know, but I know. Ha, maybe see the last bullet point above!!

 So how will I do this? It starts with little healthy changes I can live with. I already track. Now to get serious and weigh/measure again. Also, incorporate reduced snacking (or at least IMPROVED snacking!) and regular workouts. These things are happening. Focus on my behaviors and their impacts. This time, the mentality - this WILL happen, because I CAN do this!

With that, I'm off to declutter, workout, and train for my new job. Little steps toward becoming the HEALTHIEST ME I can be! :)

Between two dobes - 179.x

Like many people a year into Covid, I'm fatigued. I feel like I'm in a brain fog. But this is one of the best Friday nights I have ever had, between two snuggly dobermans. The end. 

apres fall - 182.2

So the belief is there. The workouts are there. But so was an upgrade project for work, a vacation, a... yeah. And it's still Covid. I did, however, make the stellar choice to skip points counting and do calories instead, as I know I will game the zero-point foods so I can eat Christmas cookies. 

We are now in a second round of lockdown, which came right as I was getting my gym groove back. Alrighty! The good thing is that gyms are not completely closed, but capacity is greatly diminished and there are all sorts of protocols in place. I actually really like this, as we have to make a reservation so it's never crowded, I get in, get the workout done, wash my hands and get out. Yippee. 

Oh yes we got a second doggie. She's a rescue and is full of issues but we love her and she's ours now. She's happy here. Her brother, not so much, but he's tolerating her better than he initially was. It's been a big and sometimes difficult adjustment for all of us. But, we're working it out, and there is a lot of extra activity. Hazzah.

Work is better, then worse. I wanted to get them through the upgrade, so I did. Then I got put on another project, which I knew was coming, but I don't want that. I also don't want to be on ANOTHER project I got put on to lead. So. Lots of fun, I'm having over here. My new boss really is great. And now everyone knows I'm the one with the answers. But I can't be the leader and do my day-to-day. I've set some boundaries and am clear in them, and am clear enough with ME, too. 

Ooh, and in fun news, I got an erg. So did sister, we independently ordered them the same week and were put on the wait list, and they were delivered to us on the SAME DAY. YES!!!! Tomorrow is my first erg workout AT HOME - yeh!!

So, that was the fall. And now Christmas is in, like 2 weeks. YIKES time is flying.

belief - 174.2

Weight loss success begins with the belief you can do it. I follow some women on WW media, they are a few years older than I am, and they look amazing. And honestly, if they can, WHY NOT ME?

DH took a pic of me at the top of Waterton Canyon a couple weeks ago. While I haven't gained weight during Covid, my body compostion has changed. The pic sparked me to start the Outside Magazine Shape of Your Life program. If you have been out of any routine or just want to get started, this is the workout plan for you. I forgot how informational the articles are, too. In any case, I'm 2 weeks in, my LT is 164 as of the test on Friday, and I feel so much better just taking small steps toward healthier me.

In other news, somehow I'm hanging in there at work. New boss is fine, he seems like a nice guy. I know the right answer, though, is to go. For whatever reason, I am conflicted about DOING that. But, THE STRESS. I really don't want this. I just don't know how to bow out gracefully.

It's ten million degrees outside. Today's activities were biking to breakfast that did not work out, but the dog had a total meltdown... then driving to a GREAT breakfast. Then washing the car, it was only 8.5 million degrees then and there was water involved...

I need to get my act together for the things I WANT to do. But at least now I totally believe I'm going to lose the weight and look amazing. I am going to do the things I need to do, follow the fitness plan, stick to the food plan, and WATCH MYSELF CHANGE.

August in Fires and COVID - 177.6

 Everything is on fire. Literally. California and Colorado are burning. There is so much smoke and bad air. And everything is just HARD.

On the other hand, I am exceptionally good at maintaining my 177 pounds. I started this blog a million years ago, wanting to lose 20 pounds, and here I am, exactly at the same place. At least I'm not gaining. 

My job is too demanding and I'm having a very hard time managing it. I get a new boss on Monday. And yet.

I'm too tired to write any more, but I just wanted to check in and here I see I'm Super Star Maintainer. At this point, I'll take it.

forward - 177.6

I think it starts with whatever happened last time I wrote. You hit the wall. You and your broken heart fall all the way down. And you look at it. You feel it. You see you as YOU, as a person just as you see others. You have compassion, and if you can't have compassion for others you aren't going to have it for yourself, either.

The thing that has changed the most for me over time is how much compassion I have for OTHER PEOPLE and how much less I JUDGE OTHER PEOPLE. Because how I treat them, I treat myself. And how I treat myself, so I treat them. What if this is all really about just being a better person, to everyone? Like, if you can just love everyone, and let go of the stress and the ego, then maybe you can just... evolve in every possible way? Spiritually, mentally and phyiscally.

AND THERE IT IS. We are all connected. I can feel it, I know this. But I think I never put it together like that.

Since my last post, I've just carried on toward the good. I apologized again to DH, not in a fit of tears or despair like the night that all happened. But the next day, I told him, matter-of-fact, that I am surprised this is still an issue with me and that I will continue to work on it, and that I'm happy I was able to see what it was pretty immediately rather than let it go into a week-long spiral of 'why doesn't he love or support me?' and the subsequent list of reasons why I wouldn't deserve it if he did. Toxic, toxic thoughts that I was able to work through and push away in an evening, not in a week, or more. I'm proud of my progress, there.

I had a hard week at work - they're all hard weeks - but good, too. My job is difficult to manage, and I certainly don't like the level of stress that comes with it. But I didn't eat or drink too much to cope with it at all last week. However, I am also kind of tired of having a job that makes it difficult to manage my mental state. Like, I am tapped out and exhausted and thinking of only how I can do what I do BETTER. (Which, actually is a positive sign that I really do enjoy what I'm doing.) But the stress is hard, the mental toll is hard and I am left with very little energy for anything else. And that's what I'm having the most difficult time with in this weird coronavirus patch of existence. I lashed out at my sister because I let my work stress get the better of me - I just took it out on her. I apologized to her immediately and she was gracious. But this is a sign, for me, that something must change.

In any case, this week I'm down 2 pounds. I am changing my eating to move from sugar/alcohol in general. Not to cut it completely, but definitely moderate. I do work it in now, but with the virus, I just think it's probably better to make sure I am filling my body with the best possible nutrients. Some of which can certainly be found in wine, of course. But overall, just... healthier foods. I switched to following the "Purple" plan in WW. I haven't tracked there, free foods and portions have historically been a challenge for me, but I'm 2 days into this and am cautiously optimistic as I really like my food choices. It's hard not to just go for some jellybeans but I'm trying to take the long view. With everything. But this time with WW, I think I have a different approach. Like, an "I want to, and I CAN." And so, there I go. Forward.