+5.4 happened REALLY quickly... 179.4

Up five pounds in a week! I'd like to say it's not "real" weight... because, you know, I was sick, I had pizza *and* chili yesterday, etc... but the truth is, today my relationship with gravity is 5.4 pounds more than it was last week. So be it.

The good news is, I'm sort of on track again, working out like I do, drinking water, eating healthy food. I did have some extra sugar yesterday, and some extra wine... baby steps, though. I think I'm planning for a sugar-free January. Uruguay is in a MONTH and I want to be ready!

One of the trainers from Base reached out for a 3-session special, I am going to sign up. This will turn into more sessions, but I think I will just use the sessions to get myself to goal - where I am happy with how I look, how I feel, how clothes fit, etc. I am almost there, I really am.

If I were to quantify my goal, it would be that I want to carry less weight around during runs, races, skiing, etc. I think 155 is a good amount, given my height. I want to fit into normal size 10s or smaller, so I can shop in the trendy sections and fit into the clothes there and not worry about it. I want less fat around my midsection - I know you can't spot reduce, but that's where most of my extra fat is stored, so reducing overall fat will reduce that area, too. Truly, I'm ok with the way I look, just want to reduce fat... so yes, one of the things I will do with the new trainer is measure my body fat.

In 2017 I plan to do an Olympic triathlon, the MS150 ride, the Gourmet Classic ride and a sprint tri here and there. I need to find one in July and another in September. Austin half would be a fun 40th birthday thing, too...

One other thing - I am so grateful for this difficult year. Despite the challenges, I had a lot of fun, my bills are all paid, I get to travel, see my family, contribute at work, be a good friend, a good wife, a good dober-mom... I am very blessed. Not every day was perfect, I didn't handle everything as well as I wanted to, but I did learn a lot and I definitely improved personally and professionally over the course of the year. For that, I am truly grateful.

Alright, work is calling. Happy last Friday of 2016, friends.

Christmas is coming! - 174.0

My mindset is changing. I have managed to lose a pound this month. I have been working, but I have also been eating Christmas cookies and pizzelles, drinking a lot of champagne, etc. So I'm pretty darn happy with my one-pound-in-one-month loss here for December. Turtle club!

The last couple weeks were particularly stressful. I had a health scare, a project deadline, Doggy Love swallowed another sock, got another surprising negative annual review, house construction issues, trying to meet up with friends and get ready to go to PHL... it's been a lot. Luckily, all has been resolved for the most part.

Health is good, in fact, my doc said my weight was perfect and I don't need to do anything about it!

My work - annual review was, well, surprising, but I talked with my boss's boss, it wasn't a great conversation but we're going to do this through Employee Relations, so I'll have a third party present. GOOD. The guy gives me no indication I'm under-performing, the last feedback I got from him was a REWARD for doing so well with our group process, then slams me with "Does Not Meet Expectations" on my review. His boss set up the first meeting with Employee Relations. I hate that it has to be this way, but I see no other option. Work deadline was met, despite doggy and the sock. By the way - hydrogen peroxide can expire! We gave Doggy the max amount of peroxide and no throw up. :( Eventually at 3AM he threw it up. Ick. I felt bad for DH, as it was HIS sock, and then I was dramatic about it and made him feel worse... which made me just sick to my stomach as well. Great night at our house. But, it worked out, thank GOD!

And then the house is under construction and everyone has invited us to parties and we're leaving for Philadelphia - we are so, SO lucky to be so loved. But I'm exhausted. Looking forward to doing a lot of nothing and catching up on my sleep!! So with all of this, like I said, I'm happy to be maintaining and slightly losing. A lady at work just told me I look like a million bucks these days, I guess the weights are paying off.

So, with that, I'm off to finish up work stuff so I can get ready for Christmas in PHL. Merry Christmas, everyone, it really is the MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!

grief - 175.0

I'm angry I can't have a slice of pie every night and not lose weight. I know this should be no surprise, but I figured if I track it, I can plan for it and have it, right?

Well the scale says.... WRONG! :(

Of course, I also had extra Thanksgiving leftovers every day this week, and while I tracked all those, did I *really* know how much I was having, or how many calories they really contained? Probably not. Which leads me to my grief... of which, I'm in the anger stage. I was bargaining last week, now I'm angry. Why can't I have that stuff? Why can't I partake in leftovers, is this how the rest of my life is going to look? I have to just give it up for good and get used to the idea that after Thanksgiving Day, no more yummy foods - toss them or don't take home leftovers? WaaaAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

This too shall pass, I know. But for today, after my 0.2lb gain on this post-Thanksgiving week, I am mad. And pouty. I know I will get to acceptance, but not today.

On the other hand, it's a new week with a new chance to lose another pound. Less sugar. Fewer meals I can't be sure of the calorie content. Planning. Tracking. Continued workouts. I have been doing GREAT with my workouts! BFL weights 3x per week and a sweaty workout at least 2x per week. Go, me!

Today is my dad's birthday. He would be 84. He's been gone almost 10 years. The one thing I know about grief is that it really does get easier with time (though I'm not sure it ever 'turns' to joy, you just are just able to once again enjoy experiencing other joys). I guess 10 Decembers from now, I won't be terribly lamenting the absence of my post-Thanksgiving week leftovers. But right now, I'm having a hard time accepting that this is my new reality. Le sigh.

Happy December, friends. Here's to experiencing the grief of letting go of our favorite holiday foods. (Gosh that sounds bad!)

Love.Liz