letting go of the number

At my WW meeting today my leader said something which was very timely for me, personally.  She has said it several times, but I only just now got it. She told us to let go of the number you are trying to get to. Each time she has brought this up, I have thought to myself 'OK great, but then that means changing my goal, why would I do that?' Well today, I got it. We have to let go of the number because it is IN OUR HEAD that we can't get to THAT number. She said we need to make the number something else - pick a different number, higher, lower, whatever.

My goal number is 1XY. 1.X.Y. I'm fixated on that number, and on the number of pounds I am ABOVE that number. Why did I pick this as my number? Because it is fifty, 5-0, pounds from my starting weight. 50 is another number! Really for me to be in the healthy weight range, I just have to get down to 1AB. So I could pick THAT as my number. I just need to focus on a different number, any number other than 1XY or how many pounds away I am from 1XY.

For this week, I'm letting go of 1XY. My new number to focus on is ONE. As in, I just want to lose one pound in one week. That's it. I'm going to keep planning each day, keep tracking, and keep attending the Bikram yoga classes I have started. And I know I can lose one pound.

By the way, I was down two pounds at weigh-in today after planning, tracking, measuring and attending yoga several times this week. Guess I'd better keep all that up for one more week. :)

freaking myself out over a number

Last week I got a new weight book at Weight Watchers - they put a sticker in your book every week with your weight and the change, from both the beginning and from the previous week. Last week they put a sticker in the last slot in my book, so I have a new book starting this week.

I am so very close to the next scale 'decade' as some call it. I did NOT want a sticker in my shiny new weight book that has my current, higher scale decade in it. I am so close to being in the next 'right' one, I didn't want the current high one on record... and it wouldn't be if I could just lose a mere 1.3 pounds this week. If I did that, I'd be down in the 'right' decade and my book would have no record of me being up higher.

Well of course I have totally sabotaged myself all week and there is very little chance I'll be down in that scale decade come Thursday morning. I am completely freaking out over a number. I need to just let it go. I know I will be disappointed on Thursday, I'm disappointed NOW. I have made all sorts of excuses for why I didn't make better choices, why I couldn't work out, why I want that cookie, why why why why WHY DIDN'T I JUST SUCK IT UP AND DO WHAT I NEED TO DO TO LOSE THAT WEIGHT? HONESTLY!!!!

Le sigh...

10 pounds

I did make my goal of 10 pounds down before Christmas. YAY, ME!!!!

Then Christmas and New Year’s happened. I would love to say I MAINTAINED that loss but judging by the amount of cookies I consumed, it is very likely I did not.... BUT. Since we won’t know for sure until my meeting next week, for now we’ll just say that I DID make my goal of losing 10 pounds before the end of the year. That is a true statement.

I had a lovely Christmas and New Year’s. I drove with my DoggyLove from Colorado to Florida. Marito flew and met us there, and we all drove back together. We did this so we could spend Christmas with our family - our entire family including our dog. It was totally worth the hours in the car, I wouldn’t trade it. We had a couple good family arguments, though lately those are more like ‘animated discussions’ rather than the chair-breaking, punching-holes-in-walls sessions they used to be. And the food… OHHHHHHHH THE FOOD! It was marvelous. I definitely indulged in all things home-made.

And I learned something. The two days before I left my mom's house for the drive BACK to Colorado, I started eating furiously. I mean, I was completely unable to control myself; I just gave up and ate everything available. Looking at this now I can see I was stressed about LEAVING my family and friends - my home, really – to come back to Colorado with no ski pass and a job I hate and a smattering of friends whom I feel could take me or leave me. (And yes, all that over-eating surely undid some of my goal-making, too, which I was aware of and which was stressing me out even more.) So now I know that on the couple days before I leave my family, I am prone to stress eating. I need to come up with some way to manage this in the future.

And now here I am at the beginning of January vowing (like every other American) to lose 10 pounds this year. Although really, I want to lose the 10 pounds before St. Patrick’s Day so that I can say I was at my goal weight before I got pregnant. Which leads me to my other goal of 2013… deciding whether or not I (we) really want to attempt creating progeny... but I digress. I do have a resolution, to lose 10 pounds and be AT GOAL WEIGHT this year. I love that 10 pounds makes for GOAL WEIGHT. I'm not resolving 50 pounds, or 25, 20 or even fifteen... just 10.

Happy New Year!