It's almost Christmas!

And I'm expecting to have lost weight at the end of the holidays.  I've been very actively doing things to improve the state of myself.  I've been working out with weights.  I'm back to yoga.  I'm back to tracking and planning everything I eat.  Mr. T. is giving me weekly one-on-one sessions to get my eating in check, and I'm seeing a counselor to get my head screwed on straight about all the other stuff, which has been a very eye-opening experience.  I've been making cookies and not eating them, nor the batter from which they came!  WHO AM I?

I feel pretty good right now.  None of the stuff I am doing is easy or effortless.  It's hard.  But I think being overweight and being unhappy when I look at myself in the mirror or see pictures of myself is more difficult.  Just my thought.  And honestly, I feel *great* right now. 

Life is overwhelming and wonderful.  It's almost Christmas, I have such a wonderful husband and sweet doggy, excellent friends, a family who loves me, good health and a nice warm house.  I am blessed and so thankful.  There are no words.
 

Day One

I am back at the beginning.  Twenty pounds to go.

I maintained my 10-pound loss through July.  And then work started getting crazy, life started getting crazy, and the number on the scale started going up.

I stopped going to yoga.

I stopped tracking what I was eating.

I did start weight training with a trainer, which helped keep me from going too far up the scale.  I probably gained about 5 pounds in August.  And then soon as the trainer sessions were over (early September) I began to put on more weight.  So here I am, back at the beginning, twenty pounds away from my goal weight.

This is the starting point.  

March, the oven, and almost there

It's March.  MARCH.  I am happy to say I'm over halfway to my 20 pounds... not that I'm sticking to that number, necessarily.  But I have a good 7 to go, I'd say.

I have been doing Bikram Yoga.  This is hot yoga, 90 minutes in a 105 degree room, doing a series of 26 poses.  The series is always the same.  I have to be honest, when my sister said she was doing this, it sounded awful.  The heat.  The sweat.  The routine - I mean, the SAME postures EVERY single time?  But I went and signed up for a month unlimited, because two of my friends did.  And yes, if they jumped off a bridge, I'd probably follow them because I love them and where they go, it must be fun. 

I would not say Bikram yoga is fun, but I was very surprised at how much I liked it - and, after a month unlimited, going at least 4x per week, I *still* like it.  And no class is ever the same - I thought I'd get so bored with the routine, but the truth is that after going almost daily, I still don't know all the postures and when they happen.  And some days I will nail one of them, other days I won't even be able to begin it.  But I will always sweat it out, whatever "it" is, and I will always be happy that I went to the class and hung out in the oven. 

I have gotten a lot of compliments on how I look since starting the yoga.  I don't know if it's because of the yoga, or it's just that the compliments came from people I don't see very often. I haven't really lost much more weight - well, 10 pounds since I started this blog, but I'm tall so it's not very noticeable.  I probably lost only 2 pounds this month of yoga.  Whatever it is, I'll take the compliments.  They definitely help in the Weight Loss Journey - so if you see someone out there who is smaller, call them out!  But since the Bikram has been helpful, at least mentally, I'm signed up for another month and I'm excited about that.

And now I'm off to take a nap.  I haven't been updating as regularly because I have to do it from home, and I am rarely on the computer at home.  But I'm still plugging away.  I'm losing - slowly, but losing.  It is happening, and it is difficult,  but I'm just keepin' on.   Happy March, friends!

letting go of the number

At my WW meeting today my leader said something which was very timely for me, personally.  She has said it several times, but I only just now got it. She told us to let go of the number you are trying to get to. Each time she has brought this up, I have thought to myself 'OK great, but then that means changing my goal, why would I do that?' Well today, I got it. We have to let go of the number because it is IN OUR HEAD that we can't get to THAT number. She said we need to make the number something else - pick a different number, higher, lower, whatever.

My goal number is 1XY. 1.X.Y. I'm fixated on that number, and on the number of pounds I am ABOVE that number. Why did I pick this as my number? Because it is fifty, 5-0, pounds from my starting weight. 50 is another number! Really for me to be in the healthy weight range, I just have to get down to 1AB. So I could pick THAT as my number. I just need to focus on a different number, any number other than 1XY or how many pounds away I am from 1XY.

For this week, I'm letting go of 1XY. My new number to focus on is ONE. As in, I just want to lose one pound in one week. That's it. I'm going to keep planning each day, keep tracking, and keep attending the Bikram yoga classes I have started. And I know I can lose one pound.

By the way, I was down two pounds at weigh-in today after planning, tracking, measuring and attending yoga several times this week. Guess I'd better keep all that up for one more week. :)

freaking myself out over a number

Last week I got a new weight book at Weight Watchers - they put a sticker in your book every week with your weight and the change, from both the beginning and from the previous week. Last week they put a sticker in the last slot in my book, so I have a new book starting this week.

I am so very close to the next scale 'decade' as some call it. I did NOT want a sticker in my shiny new weight book that has my current, higher scale decade in it. I am so close to being in the next 'right' one, I didn't want the current high one on record... and it wouldn't be if I could just lose a mere 1.3 pounds this week. If I did that, I'd be down in the 'right' decade and my book would have no record of me being up higher.

Well of course I have totally sabotaged myself all week and there is very little chance I'll be down in that scale decade come Thursday morning. I am completely freaking out over a number. I need to just let it go. I know I will be disappointed on Thursday, I'm disappointed NOW. I have made all sorts of excuses for why I didn't make better choices, why I couldn't work out, why I want that cookie, why why why why WHY DIDN'T I JUST SUCK IT UP AND DO WHAT I NEED TO DO TO LOSE THAT WEIGHT? HONESTLY!!!!

Le sigh...

10 pounds

I did make my goal of 10 pounds down before Christmas. YAY, ME!!!!

Then Christmas and New Year’s happened. I would love to say I MAINTAINED that loss but judging by the amount of cookies I consumed, it is very likely I did not.... BUT. Since we won’t know for sure until my meeting next week, for now we’ll just say that I DID make my goal of losing 10 pounds before the end of the year. That is a true statement.

I had a lovely Christmas and New Year’s. I drove with my DoggyLove from Colorado to Florida. Marito flew and met us there, and we all drove back together. We did this so we could spend Christmas with our family - our entire family including our dog. It was totally worth the hours in the car, I wouldn’t trade it. We had a couple good family arguments, though lately those are more like ‘animated discussions’ rather than the chair-breaking, punching-holes-in-walls sessions they used to be. And the food… OHHHHHHHH THE FOOD! It was marvelous. I definitely indulged in all things home-made.

And I learned something. The two days before I left my mom's house for the drive BACK to Colorado, I started eating furiously. I mean, I was completely unable to control myself; I just gave up and ate everything available. Looking at this now I can see I was stressed about LEAVING my family and friends - my home, really – to come back to Colorado with no ski pass and a job I hate and a smattering of friends whom I feel could take me or leave me. (And yes, all that over-eating surely undid some of my goal-making, too, which I was aware of and which was stressing me out even more.) So now I know that on the couple days before I leave my family, I am prone to stress eating. I need to come up with some way to manage this in the future.

And now here I am at the beginning of January vowing (like every other American) to lose 10 pounds this year. Although really, I want to lose the 10 pounds before St. Patrick’s Day so that I can say I was at my goal weight before I got pregnant. Which leads me to my other goal of 2013… deciding whether or not I (we) really want to attempt creating progeny... but I digress. I do have a resolution, to lose 10 pounds and be AT GOAL WEIGHT this year. I love that 10 pounds makes for GOAL WEIGHT. I'm not resolving 50 pounds, or 25, 20 or even fifteen... just 10.

Happy New Year!