I can't remember the X. I think it was 2, but whatever. The scale is actually probably high because of my salty tomato sauce meal last night. I'd like to say the # does not affect me. But. I saw 173 on Thursday, and felt amazing. This morning I saw the 175 and I was all "Ok, no big deal" but then... I was snippy on my ride with Patrick (I'm exhausted, too). And I kept having debilitating thoughts, and I was crying at one point, because I'm sad. And I don't know what is wrong with me. My shoulder is PAINFUL. Like, a ripping ache at times that makes me think I'm going to pass out. Boo.
And then (this is TMI but whatever) the bleedy thing - it doesn't stop. And I'm totally worried I have some kind of major issue, like uterine cancer or something. Like, what if I go in on Wednesday and they say holy shit, you're coming in for surgery on Friday. But, honestly, SO WHAT if "what if?" I mean, it will get fixed. Life will move on.
I hope.
I do like my new job, but I'm also very overwhelmed in it. I'm working all the time, I feel like I'm never going to catch up, I feel like I made a huge mistake, but then no I didn't, I don't know. $$ is good. I am happy with what I'm doing, but it's really freaking difficult. I solve one problem and three more pop up. I feel like I'm playing whack-a-mole, and the moles are winning. Gah.
So.
The good news is, I've lost at least 5 pounds since starting. I kind of want to really get in great shape. I just started lifting heavy - literally, I'm one workout in to that. I'm cutting out crap, little by little. Last week I ate a bunch of cake because I failed, or I felt like a failure. So there are still some things I have to work through, or that will just be with me. On the other hand, that cake was freaking DELICIOUS and TOTALLY WORTH EATING! And I didn't eat a whole cake. I didn't throw in the towel for the weekend. I just... corrected myself. And I'm at my goal weight and working toward being more fit. There's a woman on WW Connect, she is so inspiring - she's a few years older than I am. So, I could totally be like her (but me :) ) in a year. She completely changed her body. I kind of want to do that, too. I'm actually really proud of myself for not letting my job take over my health. Win.
Happy summer, friends.
