For reals. A quick update. I am nervous about weighing in tomorrow. :( But I will go. Weekend in CB was, well, overindulgent. But I wanted and needed the break, so I took it. I ate and drank what I wanted (but it wasn't too crazy). I didn't really work out other than walking the dog. And I just chilled. I needed some decompress time.
Too much work, now. I am... not OK with my current situation. I'm really not. I can't believe it happened. I can't believe I let myself slip like this. I can't believe my company is still standing by my boss. I mean, part of me is grateful they recognized this is unlike me. The other part is... angry that they seem to be doing nothing about the fact that El Jefe is fostering a hostile work environment, and has blatantly lied to them about what I am doing. I don't see how I will get through this. I can't see a path to success. I really can't. I'm drowning in work. I have a double-tongued coworker and a boss who wants me gone. Where is the success? Yeah, my company doesn't want to get rid of me, but my boss wants me out. So, I'd rather go on my terms, which means, time to find a new job.
In any case. I read something really great while we were in Crested Butte. Something like, even St. Peter, the first Pope of the Catholic Church, had to hear the rooster crow three times before he realized he was doing the thing he swore he would never do [deny Jesus]. I feel like Peter. I had no idea I was totally doing the thing I swore I would never do. As DH put it, if I had a better manager, we would never be in this situation. But here we are. And I'm trying to handle it but it is HARD. And I am TIRED.
So. That's that. I'm trying not to eat or drink my feelings. But that's hard. And right now there are so many hard things, I don't seem to have the resolve for THAT hard thing, too. Sad. I have no time or energy to apply for other jobs. So. I will wait. And I will figure out what I need to do. I do know this, God will carry me. He and the angels and saints didn't carry me this far to only carry me THIS FAR. I'll get through it. But this is hard.
We'll see what the official scale says tomorrow...
